Church of Scientology to Become Speedo Cult

speedo.cult

After watching Holy Hell, the new documentary about the Buddha Field cult, COB RTC David Miscavige had a epiphany: The Church of Scientology needed to be reinvented as a Speedo Cult.  Accordingly, the Church of Speedology was born.

“While we in Speedology will still offer COB’s unusual solution called GAT II,” said Church spokesman Ken “Shakti” Delusion, “our new emphasis will be on the men wearing iridescent day-glo Speedos and the women wearing bikinis while we all hold hands and dance in fields and have love-fests in rivers and streams.”

“Fundraising will not change however,” added Shakti Delusion, “for truly while Heaven and Earth shall pass away, Thursday at 2:00 PM remains immutable and fixed in eternity.”

6 responses to “Church of Scientology to Become Speedo Cult

  1. How ripped is “Cock On Board”!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for the tip. I just invested my 401k in Speedo stock.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s a very old (and odd) cult:
    LRH's David

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You forgot the most important part! Members have to buy IDEAL speedos and bikinis, at $1 Million each! COB has ordered this!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. So now the emphasis is on ideal organs? Interesting.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Just going to sandblast my eyes right now.
    I did not need to see the image of COB and co in their Budgie Smugglers. 🙂

    Like

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