Upon learning that a janitor found $600,000 in cash and checks hidden inside a bathroom wall in Joel Osteen’s church, Scientology leader David Miscavige has ordered all bathroom walls in Scientology ripped […]
David Miscavige’s Monumental Technical Discovery: Boarded Up Orgs = No Red Tags, No Missed F/N’s, Etc.
“COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige’s order to board up Ideal Orgs across the US has resulted in a 100% end to the chronic and endless auditing errors and mistakes at the Ideal […]
The Reason Why Scientology Is Not Closing Its Ideal Orgs
“Scientology has no plans to close its Orgs,” said spokesman Ken Delusion. “There is no need to close them because the Orgs have already been empty for almost twenty years now.” “Now […]
Contrary to Fifth Invader Force Black PR, Scientology Does Not Suck!
Two members of the Fifth Invader Force landed on Earth some months ago in human meat bodies. The demented duo infiltrated Scientology organizations in an attempt at Joking & Degrading and Black […]
Mike Rinder Leaks Details of Scientology TV’s Entire Third Season!
We in RTC vehemently object to Mike Rinder leaking details of Season Three of Scientology TV. Now we know why Mike keeps an SR-71 spy plane. Our sources reliably inform us that […]
Scientology TV’s New Reality Show: On the Road With Dave!
Scientology TV’s new reality show is called On the Road with Dave. Starring COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige, the show follows Dave around as he tours Ideal Orgs and talks to ordinary […]
Scientology to Turn Its Glut of Empty Ideal Orgs into Airbnb’s
“With a glut of empty Ideal Orgs splattered across the continents of Earth, we in Scientology are hemorrhaging cash paying for the upkeep on all of this square footage. Accordingly, Scientology will […]
Ambien Explains the Behavior of David Miscavige
“We in the Church of Scientology can at last offer a coherent and wholly scientific explanation for the bizarre and violent behavior of our leader COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige. The explanation […]
Scientology’s New Year’s Resolutions
We in the Church of Scientology firmly resolve to be a fully Ideal Church in every way in 2018. We therefore make the following resolutions: 1. We will raise all prices 4000% […]
Church of Scientology to Install Toilet Paper Dispensers in Ideal Orgs
In response to a recent survey of Scientology parishioners, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has ordered all Ideal Orgs to install for-pay toilet paper dispensers. This will allow Scientologists to purchase either […]