With Scientology now the coolest religion on Earth, literally the Mouwad’s 1001 Nights Diamond purse of the mind, everyone wants to be an OT — even SP’s, DB’s, 1.1’s, wogs, spectators, dilettantes, Marcabs, porn stars, Venutian freight locomotive operators, and drug-addled hipsters, Even the suburban white trash in the San Fernando Valley want to be OT’s. However as the Valley OT Committee cannot fully fund its Ideal Org after decades of fundraising, there will be no new OT’s there for at least five hundred years.
Let’s face it: Not everybody can be an OT. Few people can be at cause over the MEST universe and change traffic signals to green at their command or postulate the best parking spots at the mall. And even fewer people have the staggering wherewithal required to fund the IAS Patron statuses necessary to be invited onto the OT levels. This is why only the biggest of the biggest beings become OT’s!
In order to destroy Scientology, the Psychs have started at the very top of the Bridge. Fleet Admiral David Miscavige has exposed a global Psych black market crime syndicate selling counterfeit OT certificates. These Psych gangsters are attempting to dilute to the enormous value of the OT brand by flooding the market with fake OT certificates. The most desired counterfeit cert is of course the coveted and rare OTVIII cert, this because, let’s face it, OTVIII is great!
We in RTC have ordered our
operating arm OSA to capture these criminals, freeze them, and then transport them in Scientology’s 747 spaceplanes to a distant Earth-like planet. There, these criminals will be dumped into volcanoes and nuked. Only by taking such drastic measures can Scientology be saved.