Donald Trump and Megyn Kelly Ordered to Appear for Major Scientology Ethics Handling


His Imperial Holiness and Grand Dragon of the Seven Spheres David Miscavige has ordered Donald Trump and Megyn Kelly to appear at Scientology’s Flag Land Base for a major ethics handling.

“Donald and Megyn have had a huge ARC break that threatens the fourth dynamic of the planet,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Indeed, the planetary enturbulation caused by their mutual out ethics during the debate was even noticed by the implanting stations on Mars and Venus. We cannot allow other civilizations to treat this as fodder for their tabloids.”

“Grand Dragon of the Seven Spheres David Miscavige therefore decided to step in and order Donald and Megyn to report for a major ethics cycle that will include:

  • OSA gang bang sec checking for their hidden crimes, both in this lifetime and past lifetimes
  • The False Purpose Rundown
  • The Purification Rundown
  • False Data Stripping
  • An investigation to determine if Donald and Megyn have been PDH’d by the Psychs (PDH = Pain, Drug, Hypnosis).
  • A rollback to see if Donald or Megyn are secretly connected to Big Pharma or Psychiatry
  • Additionally, an OSA criminal investigation into Fox Boss Rupert Murdoch’s attacks on Scientology will be conducted:


In happier news, the newest painting of His Imperial Holiness and Grand Dragon of the Seven Spheres David Miscavige is now on sale. All Scientol0gists are ordered to purchase at least 1,000 copies to give to family and friends. It is felt by Church management that Mr. Miscavige’s painting should be prominently hung in  a place of honor in every home, school, and business in the world.

This lovely painting comes framed and ready to hang. Price is $11,495 each plus shipping and handling:


5 replies »

  1. We in Global Capitalism HQ will look forward to your conducting extensive sec checks on Donald Trump. He has done so much to make capitalism look bad that we are perennially appalled by his antics. For one thing, he hawks cheaply made poly/cotton blend shirts and the most godawful ties (though his recent verbal peccadillos have reduced his market share). Anyone who walked into Global Capitalism HQ wearing a cheap Donald Trump Signature Collection shirt would immediately be “laterally transferred” to working as a janitor at the Starbucks in the lobby of our main building in Manhattan.

    For another thing, those of us who actually control the global economy have learned that calling excessive attention to ourselves is not in our best interests. We prefer to manage quietly rather than to lead publicly. Because Trump seeks a high public profile, ergo, he cannot in fact be one of the elite exerting control over the global economy.

    We in Global Capitalism HQ strenuously deny that either Donald Trump or Megyn Kelly are being paid off by Big Pharma (a majority-owned subsidiary of ours). Their overinflated sense of self-worth led them to demand far more in transfer payments than we felt that their ability to drive people into the arms of the psychs is worth.


  2. Nice painting. How much will it cost to buy the dedicated cloth that is to be used exclusively for dusting the painting every morning? Will we also have to hang a painting of LRH right next to it? Will that one need its own cloth? What will be the penalties for failing to keep the paintings clean? Will we have to bow to the gigantic versions that are hung in public squares? So many questions! So excited!


  3. Remember that Megan Kelly interviewed Rinder, and scolded Scientology for repeatedly calling her and repeatedly refusing to let her interview COB.
    She also stood up to the Big Clown. Megan Kelly is high on the tone scale. Attack her at your peril.


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