“The Scientology Beekeepers Convention on the Freewinds was held in Aruba last week on the ship,” explained Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Some nosy wog on a nearby cruise ship filmed the Scientology […]
Scientology Ethics Officers to Resume Brutal Sec Checks
“Now that the world is reopening,” said COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige, “I have ordered Scientology Ethics Officers to begin ordering Scientologists in for brutal sec checks that last hundreds of hours […]
President Biden Snubs David Miscavige; Fails to Thank the Scientology Leader for Saving Humanity & Handling the Pandemic
“During his address to the US Congress, an extremely ungrateful President Biden failed to thank Scientology leader David Miscavige for saving humanity from violence, terrorism, drugs, and all of the other factors […]
Humanitarian Crisis Unfolds as The Freewinds Becomes Stuck in Suez Canal. Millions of Muslims in the Middle East Denied Scientology!
“The Freewinds was steaming through the Suez Canal to deliver the OT levels to millions of Muslims in the Middle East clamoring for Scientology,” explained Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “The Muslim world […]
Top Secret: Freewinds End Cycle Program
TOP SECRETTO: COBFROM: FSSORE: FREEWINDS END CYCLE PROGRAM Dear Sir, We have mocked up a train tunnel. We then laid train tracks down and routed them onto the main line train tracks […]
Bodhi Elfman and the Secret of Scientology Anus Whitening
Now we know what really goes on aboard the Scientology ship Freewinds when it’s out to sea: A group whitening process. Bon voyage on your Scientology journey to… a white anus.
Shocking Blood Test Results from the Scientologists Aboard the Freewinds!
“The shocking lab results show that none of the Scientologists aboard the Freewinds has human blood,” declared Dr. Joseph Cheeseman Thompson of the World Health Organization. “Instead, what we found flowing through […]
Wog Doctors Mistake OT Phenomena on the Freewinds for Measles
Wog doctors don’t know anything about OT phenomena. A Scientologist onboard the MV Freewinds recently turned on the measles during her auditing session. However, this case of measles was from a lifetime […]
Scientology & Measles
“Measles are an implant Scientology can handle using New Era Dianetics,” said Scientology chiropractor Colonel Dr. Roberto Cadiz. “As a chiropractor, I see mock ups of so-called serious diseases all the time,” […]
Freewinds Lengthened to Accommodate the Enormous Demand for Scientology
“After two years of work at a cost of $90 million USD, the MV Freewinds has been successfully lengthened to 402 meters (1,319 feet),” announced Captain Mike Napoleon. “The ship will now […]