OSA Director of Internet Combat Killers (OSA DICK) Dr. Werner Von Strudeldorf sat at his desk and concluded his analysis of the latest datums.
“There is no doubt about it,” Von Strudeldorf told Fleet Admiral Miscavige, “the Psychs have, once again, infiltrated Scientology organizations and spread entheta and disaffection at heretofore unimagined magnitudes of suppression using the internet.”
“The ‘why’ for the latest catastrophic statcrash Herr Fleet Admiral is the internet!”
The Fleet Admiral glared at the OSA DICK.
“Why haven’t you OSA DICK’s killed the internet yet?!” screamed the Fleet Admiral.
“My dear Fleet Admiral,” Von Strudeldorf calmly replied, “as you can see by the many colorful and varied graph-like stats up on the wall, we OSA DICKS have certainly damaged the internet very seriously and can — if only given more time and money — most definitely kill the internet.”
“Okay you SP, just exactly how much more time and money do you OSA DICK’s need?”
“Sir, we need only one year and one hundred million dollars to kill the internet!”
“Okay, if I give you the time and money how will you kill the internet?”
Dr. Von Strudeldorf leaned forward and said, “We in OSA will build a time machine to travel back to 1988. We will take the money with us and buy all of the patents to the internet. Then we will only allow a Scientology internet to exist!”
“By going back in time, we will smash and kill the suppressive wog internet in its hateful little cyber crib!” cackled Dr. Von Strudeldorf.
Fleet Admiral Miscavige drummed his fingers on Dr. Von Strudeldorf’s desk for a minute and then said, “Do it. I’ll have the IAS arrange the grant.”
And thus began the most expensive, largest, and most secret project in Scientology’s history….