OSA Director of Internet Combat Killers (OSA DICK) Dr. Werner Von Strudeldorf sat at his desk and concluded his analysis of the latest datums.
“There is no doubt about it,” Von Strudeldorf told Fleet Admiral Miscavige, “the Psychs have, once again, infiltrated Scientology organizations and spread entheta and disaffection at heretofore unimagined magnitudes of suppression using the internet.”
“The ‘why’ for the latest catastrophic statcrash Herr Fleet Admiral is the internet!”
The Fleet Admiral glared at the OSA DICK.
“Why haven’t you OSA DICK’s killed the internet yet?!” screamed the Fleet Admiral.
“My dear Fleet Admiral,” Von Strudeldorf calmly replied, “as you can see by the many colorful and varied graph-like stats up on the wall, we OSA DICKS have certainly damaged the internet very seriously and can — if only given more time and money — most definitely kill the internet.”
“Okay you SP, just exactly how much more time and money do you OSA DICK’s need?”
“Sir, we need only one year and one hundred million dollars to kill the internet!”
“Okay, if I give you the time and money how will you kill the internet?”
Dr. Von Strudeldorf leaned forward and said, “We in OSA will build a time machine to travel back to 1988. We will take the money with us and buy all of the patents to the internet. Then we will only allow a Scientology internet to exist!”
“By going back in time, we will smash and kill the suppressive wog internet in its hateful little cyber crib!” cackled Dr. Von Strudeldorf.
Fleet Admiral Miscavige drummed his fingers on Dr. Von Strudeldorf’s desk for a minute and then said, “Do it. I’ll have the IAS arrange the grant.”
And thus began the most expensive, largest, and most secret project in Scientology’s history….
Dr DVS your 50s to the right comb over and 50s rimmed glasses does not fool us PTS and pure SPs one bit, maybe you have “jumped the shark”? 👍👍👍👍
V8: DVS is TC? We in RTC are so PTP’d we’re not admitting or denying anything!
Many apply, but few are chosen. We need Public Relations Internet Combat Killers – or PRICK. The product of a fully hatted PRICK is to snatch the internet from these twats!
Tommy J., your bright idea has been accepted. Look for OSA PRICKS to appear soon. BTW, you are also being promoted to COB PERS PRO. Your post is to promote, enhance, and protect the image and reputation of COB.
It would be an honor sir! These wogs will be back on dial-up when this PRICK gets done with them.
WTF? OSA DICK Dr. Von Strudeldorf has already built his %@$#& time machine, traveled back to 1988 and bought all of the patents to the internet. When I tried to access OTVIIIisGrrr8! this morning, all I got was this:
JennyAtLAX: This was Dr. Von Strudeldorf's way of letting you know that he is spying on Fred while Fred is spying on the BR's @ Sunset & Vermont.
Of course, we in RTC have a PI secretly following Von Strudeldorf to make sure no SP's or Psychs are spying on Von Strudeldorf while he is spying on you. And we have a second PI spying on the first PI to ensure that the first PI is not being spied on by SP's or Psych PI's.
As an OSA DICK, Dr. Von Strudeldorf has taken a very personal interest in your activities. We in RTC do not appreciate you watching and reporting on the activities of our
Body SnatchersBody Routers.
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Thank God and…….Hubbard…….. that we have such bright and alert leaders in Scientology, who never fail to come up with the most brilliant solutions to all the problems, our religion is constantly facing.
I think it is obvious that some grand donations are needed NOW!!!
Donations are so urgently needed that there is a new emergency IAS begging status called “47X Urgently Urgently Needed Donations!”
I wanna be a DICK. Unbelievably, there are no Orgs, Missions or Field groups where I live. Where do I sign up? Is there an on-line option where I can enroll and work from home?
Ms. B. Haven, women can have DICK’s in the Church of Scientology.
Welcome aboard the OSA DICK Squad.
You’ll work from home and report to Bill Yaude.
COB, does Scientology offer Special High Intensity Training? Does it give people Special High Altitutde Fitness Training?