Church of Scientology Denies Involvement in Denny Hastert Scandal

“While it is true that former Speaker of the House Denny Hastert was a Scientologist who received hundreds of hours of Scientology auditing in the 1970’s,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion, “it is not true that the Church of Scientology ‘blackmailed’ Hastert in exchange for not revealing the deviant and scandalous details of his private sexual life contained in his preclear folders — folders we own and control forever.

“For the record,” Delusion added, “it is our firm policy in the Church of Scientology to blackmail only those people with reputations to protect, i.e. closeted wealthy gay actors and millionaires or billionaires with truly horrific secrets. Experience has shown us that politicians are thought of with such contempt by the public that even the most horrible accusations against them become nothing more the fodder eagerly consumed and parroted by FOX News and those other wog media gabfests.”

“Perhaps this explains why Hastert was blackmailed only after he left office and needed something approaching a reputation in order to be effective as a lobbyist.”

6 responses to “Church of Scientology Denies Involvement in Denny Hastert Scandal

  1. Just how many other churches are as ethical as Scientology to so openly and candidly declare that they only blackmail a very small proportion of their parishioners.

    The vast majority of Scientologists can be confident that the darkest secrets in their PC Folders are safe from all but their ecclesiastical confessors. This must be reassuring for them.

    Well done Captain Miscavige!

    Andrew

    Like

    • Thank you Captain Robertson.

      Factually, and as a matter of actual research, most SP’s are massively out exchange with the Church. Indeed, for every dollar in Fair Game we spend we get back nada, zip, zilch, nothing in return. We spent at least a cool three million dollars attacking Going Clear (book and HBO doco) and what did we get? Exactly. A big fat bowl of JACK SQUAT!

      Therefore, in order to get a Fair Game Return on Investment (FGROI), we do use ecclesiastical blackmail against our own parishioners, or former parishioners. to recover a portion of monies spent destroying SP’s.

      We think of ecclesiastical blackmail as nothing more than a tax on closeted gay actors, criminal millionaires, and other out ethics dilettante Scientologists who would otherwise not act to confront and shatter 4D suppression. We in RTC and OSA have to do all the heavy lifting and so these people owe us big time; they need to pay up and keep their exchange in with Fleet Admiral Miscavige.

      These people cough up money regularly for bigger and bigger IAS Patron statuses and never say a word. They know the game, they take the tax write off, and so that makes everything right and good and just.

      Like

  2. Fleet Admiral David ” let him die” Miscavige has a distinct business style -it appears part machiavellian part hit and run.

    Like

  3. whostolemycog

    How does that Jack Squat taste?

    Like

  4. Blame it on those overzealous people in the Guardian’s Office.

    Like

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