The IA$ Good Luck Money Necklace

COB RTC David Miscavige proudly wears the IA$ Good Luck Money Necklace

“COB RTC David Miscavige always wears the IA$ Good Luck Money Necklace,” exclaimed Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion, “and so do the rest of we in RTC!”

“The IA$ Good Luck Money Necklace is the MEST universe touchstone to the Law of Attraction!” enthused Delusion. “You can’t attract or manifest money in your life without the vital life-changing IA$ Good Luck Money Necklace!”

“This singular piece of IAS-licensed jewelry is, in fact, so important that COB has issued an ecclesiastical decree ordering all Scientologist to wear it all times even when bathing!”

“The IA$ Good Luck Money Necklace,” Delusion explained, “has become the Scientology equivalent of Mormon secret underwear.”

“The IA$ Good Luck Money Necklace is now available from the IAS for a love offering of $25,000. All Scientologists are required to purchase two in case one breaks.”

13 responses to “The IA$ Good Luck Money Necklace

  1. I will purchase 4 of them BUT only if you give me the name of the tailor of COB RTC!

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    • Hey V8! What makes you think you can waltz into this joint, throw $100K at us like we were whores, and then get COB’s fashion secrets?

      Doesn’t work that way here pal!

      You want the number of COB’s polyester haberdashery shop you gotta cough up at least one million bucks like Grant Cardone did.

      That one million, along with of course your two IA$ Good Luck Money Necklaces, gets you into COB’s fashion paradise!

      Like

    • OTVIIIisGrrr8 is right, V8… waltzing into this joint, throwing $100K at the International A$$ociation of $cientologists (“IA$”) is a BYPASS!

      Everyone in the “Children of COB” cult knows that only female members of $cientology are “COB’s whores” and “hookers for COB”; we’re the only official hookers-for-whales (remember, in $cientology, $ize matters!).

      Do you have big bucks to throw at IA$ for anything and everything not “The Bridge to Total Fleedom®” (as in training and/or auditing)? Make this hooker-for-COB an offer she can’t refuse!

      Like

  2. Karen, please, it’s just a simple number Im after! I don’t want to become between Lou, Dave, Tom, John, Giovvani,Krusty, Beck, etc etc

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    • Lionel Drinkwater

      V8, it does seem that Mr. Miscavige is overly-sensitive about highly protective about his particular brand of polyester leisure suits. You could always go buy yourself a leisure suit made by the Baptist Independent Polyester Leisure Suit Association (BIPLSA). My Uncle Montgolfier Drinkwater informs me that the BIPLSA polyester leisure suits do not bind or chafe in the crotch whereas Church of Scientology leisure suits apparently do.

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  3. As befitting a world acclaimed ecclesiastical leader, COB wears his beautifully cut and timeless Savile Row polyester leisure suit with style, class and insouciance. As Polonius remarked to Laetes:

    “Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
    But not expressed in fancy—rich, not gaudy,
    For the apparel oft proclaims the man,”

    Perhaps Shakespeare was thinking of COB when he wrote those lines.

    Andrew

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  4. Heard from actual wearers of the IA$ Good Luck Money Necklace:

    “We love it because not only does it actually result in measurable and stable case gain, it magnifies our super powers!”
    -G.C & E.C

    “Blew me three feet behind my head and kept me there.”
    -K.A.

    “Wearing this is soooo money”
    -T.C.

    Get yours today.

    Like

  5. I notice Karin Pouw doesn’t wear hers in public. Is that because it gets tangled in her chest hair?

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    • It’s not chest hair. Karin has a neck as thick as a tree trunk. Same with her ankles. Until we order some XXXXL IA$ Good Luck Money necklaces she won’t be able to wear one.

      Nevertheless, we in RTC presently have Karin working the HBO Hill 10:

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  6. how the infiltration of the New York City Public schools going for ya?

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  7. Well fine! I will take my “whore” money and my fantastic taste in fashion elsewhere…..wonder if the Mormons like money…..?

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    • No, no, no please wait. We have vital planetary-changing news: COB has just issued a leisure suit amnesty. Donate the $00K right now and IJC Mike Ellis will personally custom fit you for a new IAS leisure suit as soon as he gets out of the hospital.

      Like

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