COB Announces the Golden Age of Supremely Deluxe Ideal Orgs!

COB“‘Ideal’ is no longer good enough,” announced his Imperial Holiness Captain David Miscavige from atop his ecclesiastical warhorse Barnabas.

Barnabas, whom Captain Miscavige recently appointed Executive Director International of the Church of Scientology snorted in agreement.

“Barnabas and I have concluded that what is needed is the new Golden Age of Supremely Deluxe Ideal Orgs!”

“The new ‘Supremely Deluxe Ideal Orgs’ are based upon my bold new tech of airborne orgs supplied by helicopters. No one will ever blow these Orgs unless they want to go permanently exterior!”

“Moreover, these leviathans of the air will have no internet, no television, no phones, and will consist primarily of running tracks and course rooms.”

This is the solution to entheta! We begin fundraising now!” decreed his Imperial Holiness.

SIORGS

16 responses to “COB Announces the Golden Age of Supremely Deluxe Ideal Orgs!

  1. One hopes that COB has issued stern directives that overboarding will only take place over uninhabited areas to avoid censure from suppressive and bigoted governments officials.

    Andrew

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  2. Funny as all getout! Jeffrey, if you ever need a new job, there’s a spot waiting for you in Stand Up Comedians!

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  3. This is COB’s most brilliant idea yet! Planetary clearing is truly at hand now!!!

    And if for some strange reason this doesn’t cause stats to rocket, it will just make it easier to continue delivery to the faithful when our valiant OTs pull the air cover from Earth as LRH instructed to produce mass exteriorization.

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    • OT’s can pull the air cover from Earth anytime they wish — but they may choose to not pull the air cover if all of those hideous wogs repent and become Scientologists.

      For this reason, the Supremely Deluxe Ideal Orgs will leave the door open slightly to give wogs one last chance! Whereupon, the floating orgs, these palaces of theta in the sky, will airdrop millions of copies of the NGAFAY booklets over major cities each day.

      We in the Church of Scientology need to keep reminding wogs of just how truly worthless they are without us!

      Like

  4. And will fulfilling my dream of OT8 cost more now since the Freewinds will now be used as a full on and complete prison ship and the Sky Ideal Mission Helicopter Hovering DM Palace Orgs is now where the end OT will send me to heaven and back?

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    • The V8, we in RTC would never dream of screwing over Scientology parishioners. Here’s the deal: There are no phones on the new floating orgs. All communication is by semaphore flags and binoculars. Therefore, people like you who join the SO and become real flagmen are practically guaranteed to get their Bridge! Can you say “winning” in semaphore?

      Like

  5. COB never ceases to amaze me.
    Always full of pleasant new surprises, making me more than proud to be a scientologist.

    That´s really an understatement!

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  6. Hey OTVIIIisGrrr8!, how come COB isn’t relieved with some good old auditing that relieves him of his Arslycus dramatization ? http://www.newciv.org/nl/newslog.php/_v308/__show_article/_a000308-000185.htm

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    • The Arslycus dramatization is a ruinous part of COB’s case. You are never to mention it again under pain of SP Declare. Isn’t it enough for you that COB is in fullblown restim and freewheeling through his implants? For Pete sake, leave COB alone.

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  7. De-LUX!

    Man alive these here orgs must run on that one policy called “The De-LUX Org”.

    Also, there’s that Data Series essay called “The De-LUX Scene” which must apply here as well.

    De-LUX, baby!

    If it’s not De-LUX, it’s not Scientology!!!

    It’s all just so fuckin’ spiritual!

    Alanzo

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    • “If it’s not De-LUX, it’s not Scientology!!!”

      Alanzo, we in RTC are very happy to to see you winning with Scientology. Unlike the hundreds of CICS whiny dilettantes we just declared SP’s, you are clearly aligned to COB’s De-LUX Command Intention. We therefore trust you will sign your billion year SO contract today to help us man up the new Scientology zeppelins.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. And all of the Hot Air ever needed to keep afloat is forthcoming from the texts and DM

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  9. Beautiful picture of Scientology and our ecclisiastical leader, Captain David Miscavige, making an impact on the world.

    Impressive and awe-inspiring!!!

    Like

  10. Mr. OTVIII,
    I would say something, but I’m still recovering from the painfully uncontrollable laughter of the” Nobody Gives A Fuck About You! Campaign”
    Priceless!!!

    Like

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