“Following a closed-door Serious Reality Adjustment Session with Scientology Pontiff David Miscavige and his ecclesiastical lawyers, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg publicly apologized to the Church of Scientology,” announced Ted Torquemada, the Chief Inquisitor of the Scientology religion.
“Mr. Zuckerberg’s change of heart, his repentance, and his promise to purge all entheta and Black PR about Scientology on Facebook was helped by the fact that a group of twelve very dedicated Russian Scientologists did some digging and found certain very unsavory information on Mr. Zuckerberg’s private habits and secret associates in what is clearly the Facebook Cartel.”
“For their dedicated work,” said Ted Torquemada, “the following Russian Scientologists in the Main Intelligence Directorate of the General Staff (Unit 74555) are very highly commended and have each received a one million dollar cash bonus from COB:
“Twitter be handled next by Unit 74555,” Ted Torquemada darkly intoned. “Jack Dorsey has certain… predilections… that would harm Twitter’s stock if this information came to light.”
Posted in OTVIIIisGrrr8!
Tagged Black PR, Blackmail, David Micavige, Entheta, Facebook, Jack Dorsey, Main Intelligence Directorate of the General Staff, Mark Zuckerberg, Office of Special Affairs, Scientologists, Serious Reality Adjustment, Torquemada, Twitter, Unit 74555
Thanks to improved technology, the new False Data Spreader 47X from Psych Industries — the trusted name in Psychiatric Suppression supplies and implanting equipment for over 150 years — works 1500% faster than previous models! False data about Scientology can now be spread over entire communities and neighborhoods in hours and not days!
And Psych’s new False Data 9000 mix is rich in lies, suppression, enturbulative facts, rumors, innuendoes, and even wrong double datums about Scientology! Designed to kill false data stripping and other Scientology processes, False Data 9000 is impervious to the Warehouse Mark VIII e-meter.
This new mix is so good that SMERSH has already ordered 5,000 rails cars of False Data 9000 to handle Europe in its planned Spring Offensive 2018 against Scientology!
The False Data Spreader 47X is in stock and available on Amazon, at Costco, and other leading wog retailers. Psychs and other mental health professionals receive a 25% courtesy discount!
By Debbie Duncan-Donitz, OTVIII
I was recently shopping at my neighborhood department store when I saw piles of a certain celebrity magazine at each checkout stand that featured a former Scientology actress who is now a hater and a bigot.
I knew something had to be done.
I hid in the store until after it closed. Then I ran into the patio section and gathered up cases of barbecue lighter fluid in a shopping cart. I doused the front of the store with the lighter fluid and set it aflame.
The flames quickly spread at an astonishing rate! All of the propane bottles in the front of store exploded. The clothing departments caught fire as did sporting goods, fabrics, and every other department.
By the time the Fire Department arrived on scene the store was a giant conflagration of flames that leaped hundreds of feet into the night sky. I cackled from my hiding spot in a tree in the parking lot.
The Fire Department had no chance. The store burned to the ground. All that remained was a gutted shell. This wog retail store will not be selling any more hateful entheta magazines that attack my religion! I am so keyed out on this huge win!
There is nothing wrong with your internets.
This is only a test of the SP Broadcasting System.
Do not attempt to adjust the entheta. We are controlling transmission.
If we wish to make the entheta louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper.
We control the horizontal. We control the vertical. We can roll the entheta, make it flutter. We can change the focus to a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity.
We repeat: This is only a test of the SP Broadcasting System. In the case of actual breaking news on the Church of Scientology, you would have been instructed to tune to The Underground Bunker or other official websites.
This completes our test of the SP Broadcasting System.
You will now be returned to the regular internets.
“‘Ideal’ is no longer good enough,” announced his Imperial Holiness Captain David Miscavige from atop his ecclesiastical warhorse Barnabas.
Barnabas, whom Captain Miscavige recently appointed Executive Director International of the Church of Scientology snorted in agreement.
“Barnabas and I have concluded that what is needed is the new Golden Age of Supremely Deluxe Ideal Orgs!”
“The new ‘Supremely Deluxe Ideal Orgs’ are based upon my bold new tech of airborne orgs supplied by helicopters. No one will ever blow these Orgs unless they want to go permanently exterior!”
“Moreover, these leviathans of the air will have no internet, no television, no phones, and will consist primarily of running tracks and course rooms.”
“This is the solution to entheta! We begin fundraising now!” decreed his Imperial Holiness.
Scientology researchers assigned to OSA Computer Unit Network Team S have located the lunatic fringes of the internet.
Internal documents reveal that Google routes all digital traffic generated by unemployed bloggers, crackpots, Black 5 cases, SP’s, and Psycho-Terrorist Anons through Node 666 in Building 17 of Google Server Farm D5A located in the remote hamlet of Councils Bluffs, Iowa.
The Lunatic Fringes of the Internet are located in this Google Server Farm in Council Bluffs, Iowa
Google officials have privately confirmed to senior OSA terminals that fully 99% of the hatred and entheta flowing through Node 666 is directed at the Church of Scientology.
We in RTC take this as proof that the Psychs are fighting back harder than ever now that COB has launched the ultimate weapons of GAT II and Super Power against them.
All we in RTC have to say is: “Say-o-nara Psychs!”
Below: A Google technician performing daily maintenance on Node 666. Extreme maintenance is required due to the 300,000 terabytes of entheta and hatred directed at the Church of Scientology streaming through Node 666 daily.