Did someone say grand opening?
Why yes they did. To be specific, Chairman Miscavige of the People’s Committee for Grand Openings of Already Opened Buildings will be re-grand-opening AOLA and ASHO!
The buildings are festooned with ribbons and the excitement is in the air! Tens of millions of Scientologists are pouring into Los Angeles for this most important-ever event in the entire history of the universe.
“And COB will have much to say, particularly about the lack of enthusiasm for donations.”
“And just as COB put in ethics on Comrade Boris Putin, so too is COB going to slam in ethics on all of the CICS parishioners who have been ordered to show up for the Grand Opening.”
“All of these dilettante pantywaist parishioners are dramatizing psychotics guilty of splattering their cases all over the internet, the Church, and COB!”
“Well let me tell you this,” Comrade Wonderman declared, “behind all of the pretty satin bows and bunting at the Grand Opening there will be ecclesiastical beatings going on inside the walls!”
“The beatings will not stop until $25,000,000 is raised for the IAS.”