Scientology Leader Puts in Ethics on Boris Putin, Saves Ukraine

TSAR.DAVEChurch of Scientology Peoples Commissar Captain David Miscavige has once again saved the world from war and disaster.

He did so by sending 3,000 copies of The Way to Happiness to Ukraine.

These booklets immediately calmed the crisis and drove millions of Russians and Ukrainians into the 52,819 Ideal Orgs in the Crimea. Stats are now booming in the region.

Peoples Commissar Miscavige also put in ethics on Comrade Boris Putin.

Specifically, Peoples Commissar Miscavige placed Boris Putin into the condition of CONFUSION, this for his attempt to annex the Crimea and other crimes.

Accordingly, Comrade Putin must now find out where he is.

Chastened by having had Scientology Ethics so publicly put in on him by Peoples Commissar Miscavige, Mr. Putin walked dejectedly from his military helicopter and into Ideal Org Kiev to begin working up his way through the conditions.

Putin

21 responses to “Scientology Leader Puts in Ethics on Boris Putin, Saves Ukraine

  1. Those booklets will come in handy. They can be used to start fires and as TP. Wow, that David Miscavige sure knows how to bring “The Way To Happiness.” Lucky Ukraine.

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  2. Can we give Miscavige to Putin ? I think he would be able to “handle” him.

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  3. So this had nothing to do with Putin’s comment equating Scientology to “mental masturbation’?

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    • Boris Putin was flown to Flag Land Base and is now in the Introspection Rundown in a locked room in the Fort Harrison. He went Type III due to his crimes, has developed a serious chest cold, and is now being force-fed orange juice and chloral hydrate with a turkey baster. In other words, everything is normal.

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  4. I heard a rumor that the psychs and drug manufacturers are attempting to undermine COBs peace efforts. If war breaks out, it will obviously be entirely their fault.

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  5. Why not just have Travolta re-name the country?

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    • whostolemycog

      As a personal favor, we asked Mr. Travolta if he would be kind enough to pronounce jgg2012 in OT. “Jai Weez” was the terse reply.

      Initially, COB was not happy with Mr. Travolta for slipping into OT speak in front of a national audience. But we expect stats to boom this week as millions of people have called in asking to learn how to speak like an OT.

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  6. Did Putin forget his first name due to the condition of CONFUSED? Because it used to be Vladimir, not Boris. Maybe he traded with Boris Yeltsin?

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  7. I like the picture of POS Davie.
    I am also so glad that he cut back on all his medals, as he was running out of chest (and enough weight to throw him off balance). He is demonstrating his humility.

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  8. 3000 WTH??? I was regged and paid for 10,000 WTH booklets to be sent to Ukraine. I received a special briefing because I was *ready* for the data and told this was a once in 10,000 lifetime chance to insert a wedge of sanity amidst the chaos and confusion. Oh well I’m sure COB knows best what to use that money for, at least I hope so, I put those books on my credit card and I just got laid off. Oh well, Pirates and Bums as they say.

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    • We in RTC actually only needed 3000 copies of TWTH to insert a wedge of sanity into chaos and confusion. The rest of your donation was spent on very expensive and special unguents and balms for COB.

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  9. Boris Putin and Brent Obama spent 90 minutes on the phone talking about this crisis in Transukrania (also about burgers, caviar, stuffed peppers and fishing). What they failed to realize – it’s simply a confusion blows off, as a result of the monumental releases, such as GAT 2 and SP Rundown, that COB RTC generously unleashed on this planet. Once confusion settles down, the order goes in. So COB had to bypass Brent and Boris and ruthlessly inject Transukrania with the geopolitical solution of 3 million copies of The Way To Happiness brochure, translated in 14 dialects, including Hungarian! And there you have it!

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    • Ken Delusion couldn’t have said it better DodoTheLaser: The so-called crisis in Ukraine is indeed just confusion blowing off after GAT II and Super Power.

      And yes, the Humanitarian distribution of the TWTH continues due to the enormous demand by ethnic wog Rooski’s and Ukranians.

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  10. Captain David looks so handsome in that uniform.
    I just can´t help falling in love with him.

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  11. Pingback: Did Someone Say Grand Opening? | OTVIIIisGrrr8!

  12. Pingback: Church of Scientology to Replace Russia in G8 | OTVIIIisGrrr8!

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