Speaking today from a packed news conference at the Howard Johnson’s in Comal County, Texas, Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion expressed the collective moral outrage of the world’s 12,000,000 Scientology parishioners.
“In a shocking attack on religious freedom,” Delusion roared, “Pope David Miscavige was today ordered deposed by a wog Judge in a totally unwarranted legal attack upon the Church of Scientology.”
“If allowed to proceed,” Delusion solemnly intoned, “this unprecedented attack upon a global religious leader will open the floodgates of persecution and hatred upon Religion itself!”
“And that is why,” Delusion declared, “the IAS needs Scientology parishioners to donate like never before to the Pope David Miscavige Legal Defense Fund!”
“Indeed, your heroic and monumental donation today is all that stands between Pope David Miscavige and the Pit of Hell known as the Wog Legal System!”
Ok, Mr. Grrr8, I am sorry to be all confused and stuff again, but although I completely understand that Mr. Miscavige has been living a pauper’s lifestyle with the tailored suits, tanning booths, multi-million dollar residences and $5,000.00 shoes that only the poorest people on the planet can afford, I still have some sort of a misunderstood or something I guess.
However, in preparation for my obviously sizeable donation to his legal fund, could you please explain to me how it is that Mr. Miscavige has such an incredibly busy schedule when he has nothing to do with micromanaging every aspect of the Church he doesn’t run?
Now he’s a Pope?
There is no Policy or Bulletin book or tape by LRon Hubbard that makes a “Pope” anywhere. Shades of borrowing power from the Catholic Church to bring about sympathy for Miscavige. Sympathy and, of course, donations.
Someone left a huge turd in the urinal, would that be considered a sizeable donation?
Sure. But don’t interpret too much in the meaning of ‘fund raising’.
In light of this terrible miscavige of justice making necessary this emergency donation campaign, I am prepared to MATCH FUNDS. That’s right, for every dollar donated to this fund, I myself will match those funds, no matter how many thousands are accumulated! In other words, for every single dollar donated to save the Pope Miscavige fund, I will strike a match to them. I’m not a wealthy man, but matches are cheap enough and it would give me real satisfaction to match such funds. I will also be happy to match any funds donated to the IAS or Ideal Orgs.
PS: Is “Pope” short for Popeye? The reason I ask is when he heard that his 14 lawyers managed to get him ordered to deposition, I am sure his eyes popped out of his head, hence Popeye seems more appropriate than Pope.
The satire never becomes stale, the joke never wears thin, and the fun
is still the lulz. Well done! and thanks.