Everyone Must Redo the Student Hat!

Student.HatAfter looking around at the existing scene, we in RTC decided that the stats will go up.

Ergo, GAT II.

What this means for Scientology parishioners is that they must redo the Student Hat.

“Why must I redo the Student Hat?” you ask.

The answer is simple: Because COB has ordered that you must — and this for a good reason. The old Student Hat was laden with unnecessary semicolons; comma, splices; and other transcription errors that GAT II terminatedly solved.

COB’s Golden Age of Redology, you see, will solve everything and make everything —  finally and at last — go right. And isn’t that what we in the Church of Scientology are all about? Making it go right?

Look, there really is no need to natter, complain, or make COB wrong. Just redo the Student Hat and then you can move onto the next item in Redology.

Student.Hat.II

9 responses to “Everyone Must Redo the Student Hat!

  1. Those hats ought to have the letter “D” on the front. As a tribute to David, obviously!

    Like

  2. Diamond Encrusted Humanitarian with Honors

    This is fantastic news! This discovery makes Newtons discovery of gravity insignificant. Planetary clearing is certainly within reach! I am so keyed out, and blown 50 feet out of my head right now! Imagine semicolons is the reason I didnt get it the first time, despite thinking I had it all down pact the first time! Plus it’s so cheap! $4000 plus materials, not a better deal in town! I nominate COB David Miscavige for Freedom magazines “Man of the Year”. He certainly deserves it for all he has done for mankind! WoooHoooo!!!!

    Like

  3. COB’s new “redo the student hat” program is now being widely acclaimed globally as the best “bright idea” in decades. Then again, there is nothing like an idea’s whose time has come. And so it is, “redo the student hat” is the precise technical action needed to revitalize, renew, and revivify the entire Church of Scientology!

    We in RTC expect millions of members who have left the Church to come storming back in any minute now to redo the Student hat. However, these people will have do A-E and then wait at the back of a verrrrrrrry long line that stretches 5x from here to the Moon and back to redo the student hat! Unless of course they step up in a very significant and heroic way as IAS Patrons to make up for the damage they have done to the group.

    Like

  4. November 23, 2013
    To: COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige
    From: Donatella Kavenaar OSA POS INT

    KNOWLEDGE REPORT
    Data on Bitter Defrocked Apostate Blog

    Dear Sir,

    Even the bitter defrocked apostates are embracing your ‘redo the student hat” program. This is yet another reason why your idea is so successful and will boom Scientology on all dynamics.

    Here is what the BDA’s posted:

    The Student Hat currently costs about $200. After the event on Friday, the cost will be $1,300.

    EVERYONE IS REQUIRED TO RETRAIN FROM STUDENT HAT ON UP. All public. All staff.
    People who have already done the pre-GAT Student Hat, then did the GAT Student Hat two times through with M4s and study certainty drills, and have completed all their auditor training since then WILL HAVE TO PAY FOR AND REDO THE NEW STUDENT HAT COURSE. Academy Levels pricing is going up from $800/ level to $1,500/ level. ALL AUDITORS AND C/Ses AND CRAMMING OFFICERS ARE REQUIRED TO REDO PRO TRS, PRO METERING AND ALL THE ACADEMY LEVELS.

    This is true.

    Donatella

    Like

  5. Fu*k me. Again? Oh wait, I dont follow Simon says anymore.

    Like

  6. Analogy time…what if major universities get wind of this? Imagine a cabal of douche college presidents getting together and deciding your sheepskin is now worthless, then demanding you retake all your classes, except this time with a hefty dose of political indoctrination.

    PT Barnum’s words still ring true today. DM counts on it. The IAS demonstrates it.

    Like

  7. Wait–this isn’t satire. It’s true!

    Like

  8. If this price increase includes matching shoes and handbag, then the new student hat is well worth it. I’m sure David Miscavige will look boffo in his new outfit. I might suggest $500 mini hats for the spring collection.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s