New Scientology E-Meter Features Tube Technology

The new Mark CV E-Meter will be released this weekend at Flag Land Base by COB RTC David Miscavige.

“The big reveal,” said Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion, “is that the new meter features tube technology! Scientology parishioners can now have a 1950’s ‘look and feel’ to auditing — just as the Founder intended.”

“Then again,” Delusion added, “the retro-chic aesthetic of the Mark CV is sure to please Scientology parishioners, the average age of whom is 92 years old.”

12 responses to “New Scientology E-Meter Features Tube Technology

  1. http://news.yahoo.com/study-8-8-billion-earth-size-just-planets-212232920.html

    OT8, here are some customers for the first 1,983,245 new emeters you have.

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  2. Mmmm, for that smooth musical tone level. Does that dial go to 11?

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  3. woo eeee! as usual, a hit!

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  4. I’m waiting for the e-meters with speakers.

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    • An e-meter with speakers would allow the preclear to actually hear the Reactive Mind at work. This would either destroy Scientology or boom the Ideal Orgs.

      We’re not sure which way it would go.

      For this reason, we in RTC are sending this concept over to Scientology Science Research Lab #9 for review, prototyping, and a pilot program using RPF’ers.

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    • We’ll have surround sound with tweeters and sub-woofers. You be able to identify a Scientologist by the bass thumping in the car next to you in traffic!

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  5. Can you send a man over to tune mine then I can listen to the shipping forecast while I’m knitting later this evening.

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    • Cassie, there are so many outpoints in your request that COB is fuming. First, we in RTC don’t send people out to tune e-meter. People have to send e-meter to Golden Era for silver certing. Second, the shipping forecast is wog and a complete waste of time. Third, why are you knitting when you haven’t completed your Basics?

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  6. Now see here young man, you do not have the RANK to ask about my Basics, but to satisfy your morbid curiosity they are cut from the finest cotton that was LRH’s shroud. Xenu bless him. David had them made specially for my 75th birthday and they are still a perfect fit.
    If you do not send COB here to tune it today there will be trouble for you.
    I’ll do a KR on your bloody impudence and my friend COB will send you to the HOLE for a nice long visit. Those socks I finished last week are for him, and the blanket I’m knitting now will keep you warm when you’re playing musical chairs in the freezing cold.
    The shipping forecast is of vital importance to me, I need to keep an eye on the arrival date of my special Bolivian Talcum Powder which is on board the Fartywinds.
    COB and I have the odd snort of an evening he says it helps clear his sinuses, it just makes me feel horny.
    Enough of your cheek young man and be about your business.

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