Where is Shellly Miscavige?

We in RTC don’t understand you stupid wogs.

You blather on and on and on about how our Mr. David Miscavige is a sadistic and greedy monster, a vain sociopath concerned only with making endless speeches so he can hear the sound of his own voice and bask in endless applause.

Then, with sinister accusative tones in your voice, you ask where Mrs. Shelly Miscavige is — and this while spinning all kinds of tall tales that COB must have imprisoned her in King Tut’s tomb because he is a monster.

Yet if Mr. Miscavige is a such a monster then wouldn’t it stand to reason that Shelly would, or her own volition, want to live elsewhere? And wouldn’t she have divorced such a monster as the law allows?

Then again, even poetically, the answer you wogs don’t want to hear is the correct one: Dave and Shelly are happily married. Shelly is a very private person who doesn’t like the intense media spotlight in which her husband is continually immersed due to his status as the single most important ecclesiastical leader on the planet.

Shelly is a delicate little flower and her husband, a man who is the priest confessor and confidante to world leaders, celebrities, and dozens of lesser religious leaders such as Pope Francis of the Vatican State, treats her as such by assigning her to a very non-enturbulative post that contributes, in its own very minimal way, to Planetary Clearing.

It is vitally important that Shelly descend several hundred feet under the Earth each day into an ultra-secret vault owned and maintained by the Church of Spiritual Technology (CST).

Shelly is literally in the Scientology Holy of Holies each day with a can of Pledge and white 100% cotton towels that she has laundered using mild detergents that contain no rose perfumes or other scents. There, Shelly carefully polishes to a high luster the titanium containers that house Scientology’s scriptures on stainless steel discs.

vaultThe containers Shelly maintains are the Church’s guarantee of future survival after the Psychs wipe out this Planet — and this will happen very soon, possibly this week, unless the Church of Scientology handles the Fourth Dynamic Engram that holds the Planet in thrall. And that is why you need to increase your IAS Patron status today!

While it is politically incorrect to say so in today’s Psych-drug-addled world, the plain and simple fact is that women need to know their place. Shelly does and so she does what her husband tells her. This is why she is very happy on post. Shelly will make an appearance at the Celebrity Centre gala only if her husband tells her to do so. She will also wear whatever gown and shoes her husband selects for her.

If Shelly does attend the gala, COB will allow her to carry a jeweled clutch containing a tube of unscented lipstick and a small nickel-plated .38 caliber revolver to fend off any wog reporter who breaches the formidable CCI security barricades. Shelly’s .38 will be loaded with Hornady XTP Bullets 38 Caliber (357 Diameter) 125 grain hollow points. This fact alone should serve as warning to any wog reporters who have murky plans about crashing the party.

None of you are welcome to our party so stay away!

27 replies »

  1. Gallant is not a word often used to describe the world’s most important ecclesiastical leader. Since most of the words used to describe him are not fit to be printed in a family publication, many people may not realize COB discovered his gallantry early on the whole track and has worked through many lifetimes developing his 1,000 yard stare, as well as perfecting his auspicious use of Mink Oil pomade.

    Gallantry, the 1,000 yard stare, good hair, and a backhand you’ll never see coming. COB is a man’s man, albeit packaged in a 12 year old’s body.

    EYES ONLY: (I guess this means we kill the press release denying COB ever had a first wife? Just hold onto it for later, just in case?)


    • Captain Whostolemycog speaks with the authority of a man’s man who has personally served COB, the Man’s Man of Men and the Leader of Leaders!

      And yes, we will kill that memo for now


  2. But OT8, doesn’t Scientology make the able more able? Doesn’t it help people develop confidence? Why does it produce a Shelly “I’ll do whatever my husband tells me” Miscavige (or, for that matter, a posse of lunatics, sex offenders like Shaun Lonsdale, egomaniacs like Paul Haggis, who was OT7, Dede Scott, etc.)?


    • We’re sorry jgg2012, but you must have us confused with some other group. A good Scientology wife is an obedient Scientology wife who does not backflash her OT husband — or else!

      As part of GAT II, all Scientology wives are now required to complete the COB Wife Hat to a video pass.


  3. All this ‘where is shelly’ makes COB seem like Patrick Bergin from the ‘sleeping with the enemy’ movie with Julia Roberts. Nothing could be further from the truth. Shelly has interesting, challenging work to do that helps clear the planet from rust and corrosion on the titanium boxes and stainless steel engraved plates.


    • Rust and corrosion are as deadly as any other form of entheta. We in RTC have just discovered dramatic and incontrovertible evidence proving that the Psychs have been secretly infiltrating huge quantities of rust down the secret air shafts of CST vaults!

      OSA Security Force 17 found a rusted German sports car, a Porsche 911, near the secret air intake to Shaft #4 which is the most important shaft at one of our sites. The Psychs were clearly sending us a coded message by using with a 911. As a result Fleet Admiral Miscavige has declared “Condition Ultra Fox Blue” and has ordered Sea Org forces to a global Condition Red.

      The graphic evidence of German Psych crimes against the Church of Scientology:

      Admiral Tom Cruise is in tactical command of all OSA Storm Troopers during the Condition Red.

      All IAS members are to flow power to COB by immediately wire transferring $50,000 — or more — to help fund emergency defense efforts during Condition Red. All Scientologists are ordered to remain in their homes with doors locked and all curtains and blinds drawn. Internet usage is not permitted. Use this mandatory “lockdown” period to read and intensely study your deluxe leatherbound Basics.


  4. OT8 – What about this?

    Show your support for Shelly! Answer the haters who have been caught loitering around Ideal Org Gas Stations wearing :Where’s Shelly” shirts. This type of religious hatred can’t go unanswered. .

    Let’s love bomb the press and all the haters!!

    Order your “There’s Shelly!!” t-shirt today, We’ll create a tidal wave of theta at the Celebrity Center later this month when Shelley will let the haters be seen for the fools they are. Let Leah Rimini gasp when she sees a sea of bright yellow t-shirts all proclaiming “There’s Shelly”. This show of support will show the haters our support for COB. He has endured years of malicious gossip and enturbulance, but this month it ends!!

    Available in sizes from COB XXS to OT XXXL.

    We have every size in stock!! Order your “There’s Shelly” shirt today.


  5. Shelly, with her six shot .38 revolver is badass old school. None of this high tech, fancy schmancy, Euro trash, metric caliber, polymer framed, high capacity, semi auto junk for her. As dear old Mom used to say, “If you can’t get the job done with six shot, you’re in the wrong line of work.” I might suggest she modify her hollow points with about two grams of mercury in the tips with a painters putty seal for added lethality.


  6. Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself. Basically, it’s made up of two separate words — “mank” and “ind.” What do these words mean? It’s a mystery, and that’s why so is mankind.


  7. I am so sick of these pie faced wog reporters! They obviously are still sucking c@ck with scented lubricants! They are not interested in truth, just selling magazines!

    If they want to report a real story, then they should report the heroics of COB RTC in how he saved Scientology, and thereby all of man’s eternity, from utter ruin by single handedly stepping in to make it go right. What they just can’t duplicate is that COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige is a BIG BEING. They have a hard time being able to handle and confront that level of power and ethics presence of a world leader, and undoubtedly the most ethical man on the planet.

    The problem is that the havingness of the DB’s of Earth is so low, that they just can not duplicate what exactly a “happy marriage” is, and they won’t be able to do so, until they can demo it in clay. When the ethics level of the planet is finally high enough, all men will send their wife away to secret compound where she can be ha”ppy” contributing to the future of the humanity, while the man is frolicking around the world other Big Being celebrities, and banging their much younger more attractive secretaries that are on a steady dose of birth control. Therein lies happiness!

    These generality infested antisocial SP’s only want to enturbulate and besmirch the good reputation of COB, and to keep the world from recognizing how BIG of a Being he really is!

    God Damn PSYCHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    • The truth of that third paragraph blew me 50 feet out of my body!! I blew a charge big enough to make the lights flicker. Wow!! No chance of losing that cog. Therein lies happiness. Can’t wait to share it with the wife.


  8. Will Shelly be wearing a burqa when she makes her CCI appearance? Come to think of it COB could throw a full burqa on Lou and pass her off as Shelly. That way his dainty flower of a wife wouldn’t have to interrupt her important work in the titanium mines.


  9. Can’t you see! Are you people really that blind? Fleet Admiral Miscavige is knowingly and willingly cause over life, thought, matter, energy, space and time. As the most powerful ecclesiastical leader on the planet he could just snap his fingers and postulate all this controversy away. But he is deliberately choosing NOT to do that. No, Fleet Admiral Miscavige is just playing with us . . . and what a wonderful and mysterious game it is.


    • Well said Johnny L and welcome to the blog. So long as you go into mutual out ruds with COB on his out 2D sit you’ll do just fine here. Play your cards right and maybe one day you’ll be a Sea Org Admiral like Tom Cruise.

      Can you be that big of a being?


      • I’m surprised at you OTVIIIisGrrr8! A religious leader like Field Marshall Miscavige will never be a slave to middle-class wog morality. Never! Could I be that big of a being? In my dreams maybe! In reality I’m like pond scum when compared to living gods like Miscavige and Cruise.


      • Johnny L you foolish SP!

        Of course we in RTC were not talking about how you could be a Sea Org Admiral this lifetime or even in your next several thousand lifetimes. We get it that you are a degraded being now and will be well into the future for millions of years. That is why Scientology processing and the Bridge exist. Our auditors will knock all of that “degraded beingness” right out of your skull given enough lifetimes and cash.

        We were speaking in an abstract and inspirational way of some distant future a billion years from now. We realize that people need some far off distant hope that they can be great some day.

        Not now, but some day.

        In the meantime, people must work and donate all of their money so that we who are capable of doing the heavy lifting in PT can save and clear the Planet. The rest of you just follow COB’s orders and do not make eye contact with Tom Cruise.


  10. That rusty shell of a 911 reminds me of my old VW Karmann ghia. One of the first mass produced front wheel drive cars and chick magnet.

    Is Admiral Tom Cruise in charge of physical conditioning of the OSA stormtroopers?? Maybe John Travolta could help with the post exercise ‘rubdown’. He is said to be very good with a touch assist.

    No nation or science fiction series that had ‘stormtroopers’ ever won their war or movie franchise.


    • Zemoo, we find it exceedingly suspicious that you would so causally work a Karmann Ghia reference into your post given the fact that OSA just found a rusted Karmann Ghia next to the secret air intake to Shaft #3!

      What kind of games are you playing with we in RTC?

      Why are you taunting us?

      Who is paying you?

      Spit it out Zemoo! Tell us your crimes!


  11. Getting your daily digests thru the email, really isn’t the same as coming here and reading the wonderful news first hand, complete with pictures! You know us “wogs”. We need pictures to complete the process of learning! We don’t have your wonderful IQ boosting “tech” in all public schools yet! Could you imagine the stock price for Author Services and model clay, if Obama came out and demand that L Ron educational “tech” be implemented in all US public schools??????

    What will you, RTC, do when there are no wogs left? Who shall serve as $cientology’s Nemesis once those evil psychs and wog journalists are destroyed and Ministry-ied of Truthed out of existence? Can the Church of $cientology, RTC, COB, TC even contemplate an existence where there is absolutely no one left to challenge the Church, it’s founder, its leader, or its philosophies? Let me guess, there will always be an “Invader Force” working in the cosmic background and plotting the destruction of L Ron thought throughout the universe? Holy crap? What about the “multiple universe” theory? No wonder those who run and reg IAS HAVE TO fundraiser parishioners out of Org and home! If this universe is cleared, you in the RTC MUST think about clearing THE NEXT ONE!!!!!

    I think I have an understanding of you in the RTC and the “good works” you work for! Where can I donate for Shelly? Surly, what she is doing is commendable and worthy of praise in gold and $$$$$. Please send me her direct address so that I may contribute to the wonderful future she and those is CST are ensuring for this insane and crazy planet of Entheata!

    Your favorite insane, deluded, Wog

    Seriously, where the hell is my burlwood pen goddamn it? Genius such as mine should at least be humored if not out right awarded!


    • Nothing can compete with the thrill of actually being in session at Flag rocketing your way up the Bridge to Total Freedom! Once you go Clear you do OT Preps and then GO OT!

      As far as clearing this universe, well, it is a big place and it has a vast googolplex of engrams and criminals to handle. Once we in the Church of Scientology clear this planet, our galaxy, and then the entire universe we will all live in a place without war, crime, or insanity. This is called the state of COBness and it is a Mecca of Nirvana. There will also be pancakes.


  12. ” . . . rocketing your way up the Bridge to Total Freedom!”

    WOW! My God you have a way with words OTVIII. This completely blew me away. Total exhilaration, havingness, wantingness, reelingness, and as-is-ness!!!! Thank you, thank you.


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