Tag Archives: Scientology celebrity centre

Danny Masterson Appearance at Scientology’s Christmas Party Cancelled

Scientologists Jenna Elfman, Laura Prepon, Erika Christensen, and Danny Masterson in the “good old days” before Masterson was accused of raping four women

“Danny Masterson’s traditional appearance as Santa Claus at the Scientology Celebrity Centre’s Christmas gala has been cancelled,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion.

When asked to comment on the allegations that Scientologist Danny “Donkey Punch” Masterson raped four women, and may have even choked or drugged them during the alleged rapes, Delusion stated, ““The Church adamantly denies the implication the Church would ignore the criminal behavior of certain members, especially at the expense of alleged victims. What is being stated is utterly untrue. This has nothing to do with religion. This story is being manipulated to push a bigoted agenda. The Church follows all laws and cooperates with law enforcement. Any statement or implication to the contrary is false.”

When asked what his bloviating non-statement actually meant, Delusion remarked that if saving Scientology meant throwing Masterson under the bus then COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has decreed that this would happen. “Look,” Delusion said, “the Democrats are going to throw Senator Al Franken under the bus to save the party. Well then we in Scientology are doing the same thing with Danny Masterson after our extensive efforts at stonewalling and bribery have failed. Our friends at the LAPD and the L.A. District Attorney’s Office are getting real nervous about the Masterson situation. And if they’re nervous why then Mr. Miscavige is nervous too.”

“If Danny Masterson is convicted and goes to prison then it means that he was never a real Scientologist. Delusion noted. “Therefore, declaring him an SP and getting rid of him is the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics.”

Netflix could not be reached for comment as it was hiding under its desk and had the door to its office locked.

The Church of Scientology Celebrity Routing Out Sec Check

“With the sudden and unexpected news of Jason Lee’s public announcement that he no longer practices Scientology, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has ordered the new Church of Scientology Celebrity Routing Out Sec Check to be used on all celebrities who may get the idea they can just willy nilly leave Scientology,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “After all that COB did for Jason Lee, well, COB considers that Jason Lee is forwarding enemies lines. Mr. Lee may expect his SP Declare to be posted at CC Int this very day.”


The Church of Scientology Celebrity Routing Out Sec Check — to be used on any Scientology celebrity who originates that he or she wishes to leave Scientology.

Those times you secretly went Out 2-D? How do you feel about TMZ publishing the details?

What evil purposes do you have to destroy Scientology?

How do you feel about having OSA put up multiple hate websites on you?

Have you ever raped a baby?

Your numerous drug relapses? How do you feel about your drug dealers confirming the details and the National Enquirer publishing the details?

What are your crimes against COB?

All of the nasty things you said in session about Steven Spielberg, George Clooney, Angelia Jolie, and other powerful directors and movie stars who could ruin your career? How do you feel about TMZ publishing the details?

How many planets have you destroyed?

Your bi-curious and/or homosexual experimentation? How do you feel about the National Enquirer publishing the details and photos of these trysts?

How many civilizations have you enslaved?

The illegitimate child you had with the hired help? How do you feel about TMZ publishing the details and photos?

Have you ever smuggled diamonds?

The bikini wax session with Pablo that turned into a quickie? How do you feel about the National Enquirer publishing the details and photos?

Who have you implanted this lifetime?

The numerous massages with Raul that all had a very happy ending? How do you feel about TMZ publishing the details and photos?

The “pearl necklace” incidents in your trailer on location? How do you feel about TMZ publishing the details and photos?

Regarding all those times you broke into COB’s cabin on Maiden Voyage events to secretly sniff COB’s socks and underwear: How do you feel about TMZ publishing this story?

Part 2 from I/G Tech Techie:

Do you have disposable cash that could be donated to the IAS? (Session breaks for trips to the IAS Reg, Repeat to End Phenomenon of Broke).

Did you say anything critical about David Miscavige?

Have you revealed any unacceptable truths to the press?

Have you been in contact with persons who have left the Church? Who and how often?

Have you had fun or enjoyed yourself?

Note to the auditor: Run the Scientology Celebrity Routing Out Sec Check to an F/N with the EP: “I have changed my mind about leaving Scientology and wish to stay. Here is my $1,000,000 check to the IAS to make up for the damage I have done to the group. Thank you COB for this chance to redeem myself.”

Captain David Miscavige’s Long Awaited Memoirs Now Available from Bridge Publications International


From the book:

“Scientologist Tom Cruise trembled as he approached the golden glittering IAS stage to receive the highest medal ever given to anyone in Scientology.”

“He was in the presence of greatness.”

“That greatness was me.”


The Miracles of OT Marketing to Sheeple: How to sell Scientologists the same products year in and year out for 65 years and counting!


Golden shovels lead to Ideal Orgs! How to raise money endlessly for decades using empty old dilapidated buildings!


Captain Miscavige’s pro tips for handling troublesome celebrities!


“I kissed a man and I liked it!” How Captain Miscavige and the Church of Scientology profit from celebrity secrets!


July 8, 2015: Will Captain Miscavige be able to prevent the planned Mass Marcab landing?

Scientology OTVIII Grant Cardone on Jesus

We in RTC applaud Scientology OTVIII Grant Cardone for his very deep and profound view of Jesus.

It comes near the very end:

Church of Scientology to Purchase Los Angeles Clippers as Birthday Gift for David Miscavige

Los_Angeles_Clippers_2010“The Church of Scientology has reached a deal with Donald Sterling to purchase the Los Angeles Clippers as a birthday gift for Church leader David Miscavige,” announced Church spokesman Ken Delusion.

“While the purchase price of $850,000,000 will be funded in part by cash from the IAS, we will also be selling off non-performing real estate assets including all of our Ideal Orgs — and believe me no one is happier than Mr. Miscavige to unload the Ideal Orgs in exchange for an NBA franchise in a major city like Los Angeles.”

Donald Sterling appears to be choking on his own words. Mr. Miscavige is happy to be replacing the vulgar and narcissistic Donald Sterling. Mr. Miscavige’s sparkling personality and leadership style will finally give the Clippers organization the championship boost it needs.”

CDM.6“On a final note,” Delusion remarked, “Mr. Miscavige granted Donald Sterling a last-minute concession to close the deal.”

“As of May 1, 2014 the Celebrity Centre International in Hollywood will be owned outright by Donald Sterling.”

“Mr. Sterling can now deal with all the degraded beings, 1.1’s, SP’s, homo saps, robots, ethics bait, and sexual perverts in CCI. Frankly speaking, Mr.  Miscavige is sick and tired of dealing with those kinds of people and the way they post their pictures all over Instagram.”

Holy Roman Catholic Church Copies Church of Scientology!

“The Church of Scientology has a magnificent new Cathedral in Florida,” exclaimed Church spokesman Ken Delusion.

“One of the more dramatic sculptures inside of our Cathedral,” Delusion noted, “depicts a translucent thetan high atop COB’s Bridge to Total Freedom.”

“Nicknamed ‘Ted the Translucent Thetan‘, the statue symbolizes ‘Clearing’ as a function of the Super Power Rundown and GAT II and is a tribute to Mr. Miscavige and his remarkable and unparalleled contributions to the Scientology religion and each of its 120,000,000 parishioners.”

scientology6

“We in Scientology became aware,” Delusion noted, “that the Vatican had sent in spies to examine our magnificent new Cathedral.”

“For example,” Delusion pointed out, “our sacred and holy Scientology Cathedral has a Cafe, a coffee bar, on the ground floor — and how many other religions can boast a Cafe in their Holy of Holies or Sanctum Sanctorum?”

Cult.Cafe

“The answer is that the Church of Scientology is the only religion with a coffee bar in its Holy of Holies. Or at least we were until the Catholic Church — anxious to stem the tide of membership losses to the Church of Scientology — decided to copy us by putting a Starbucks smack dab inside of Saint Peter’s Basilica!”

HRC.1

“While imitation is the normally the sincerest form of flattery,” Delusion remarked, “we feel that the Catholics have blatantly ripped off Scientology in this particular case.”

Launch of Super Power and GAT II to be World’s First “On the Cans Only” Event!

After months of extensive preparation, we in RTC can now announce that next week’s launch of Super Power and GAT II will be the world’s first “On the Cans Only” event.

Each of the plush luxury seats in the festive Ecclesiastical Pavilion here at Flag has been equipped with a set of cans in the cupholder.

COB RTC Mr. Miscavige, the Master of Ceremonies, will begin the gala by giving the command:

“Please pick up the cans, this is the event.”

“I am not auditing you.”

EP.Cans

Teams of Flag sec checkers will be in the secret control room watching the needle reads of everyone in the audience. We in RTC will find your dirty needles, withholds, and rock slams!

1CSSPY

Yes, you will be watched and followed by OSA at the event.

Mr. Miscavige expects all Scientologists present to donate monumentally and heroically and in such a way that they “go all in.”

Only by going all in may Scientologists fully realize the EP of GAT II which is “the ability to go in and stay in.”

Then again, to be fully interior with no perception is the pathway COB treads each day. And so now each of us can understand how it is that COB has been able to take the Church of Scientology into the incredible form of reality within which it exists today!