Fleet Admiral David Miscavige Orders Tom Cruise to “Come to the Event!”

To allay any concerns on the part of the 4.2 billion Church of Scientology parishioners that Tom Cruise might be leaving the Church, Fleet Admiral David Miscavige ordered New OT VII Tom Cruise to attend the IAS event that was held over the weekend.

The order called for Tom Cruise — who is secretly an Admiral in the Sea Org — to report to the event on time, take a seat in the front row, and wear his Freedom Medal of Valor that COB awarded him. The order further stipulated that Tom Cruise was to refrain from displaying any HE&R (Human Emotion and Reaction) or, “otherwise act in any way that is mordant, gloomy, weepy, or reflects badly upon COB, Scientology, or the Sea Org.”

Fleet Admiral Miscavige’s order was received with great applause by Sea Org members and Scientology parishioners everywhere — including Tom Cruise who publicly thanked COB for putting in his Ethics. “I was really going down the dwindling spiral recently,” the actor said, “and Fleet Admiral Miscavige cared enough to step in and put in my Ethics. That shows how much he really, really, really cares about each and every Scientologist. All praise be unto him.”

Fleet Admiral David Miscavige is a universally admired world leader. Regularly called upon by other world leaders seeking his wisdom and guidance, Fleet Admiral Miscavige coaches them in how to govern world affairs using Scientology principles that promote friendship, harmony, and freedom of speech.

As a result of COB’s actions, millions and millions of raw meat wog publics clamored for Scientology services over the weekend. All of the Ideal Orgs reported a 5,000% surge in demand for books and services after the public was reassured that Tom Cruise is still 100,000% committed to Scientology.  Pictured below we see throngs of people clamoring to get into the Ideal Org located in Downey, California. This scene was repeated globally at all 512,918 Ideal Orgs:

11 replies »

  1. “Tom, I was just reviewing your auditing files for quality control purposes, and, uh, I accidently overheard the ‘I used to think I was gay’ part. Sorry.”


    • To: jgg2012
      From: Tom Cruise, Rear Admiral, Sea Org
      Re: The Auditors Code

      Why are you posting that on this site? Have you never read the Auditors Code? And who are you anyway, some Senior C/S? If I get any more comm about you being in my auditing files I will report you to Grand Admiral David Miscavige who will then throw you from a third story window as an amends project.
      You have been warned!

      All Hail Me!


  2. Tom can’t publicly leave, his confessions would end up on the National Enquirer. Just be happy that his studio has stopped the public rants he used to put on for scamatology. His belief in the great LRH has endangered his box office so much that his pr people are planting the ‘I am leaving Scientology’ stories just to keep him working while the rest of the planet is laughing at him. Here is a cartoon published on 10/5, if well distributed cartoons can make fun of the cult, ABC may not be far behind. After all, they have lots in the can they haven’t broadcast yet.



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