Due to the nonstop tsunami of entheta and Black PR attacks Scientology has been under since 2008 and even earlier, we in RTC knew Spacelord Xenu had escaped from his electronic mountain prison.

We knew Xenu was the hidden who; he was the kingpin spearheading these attacks!

Based upon the evidence, we further knew Xenu was hiding behind a vast and myriad assemblage of disparate SP’s; Marcabs; infilitators; saboteurs; bitter defrocked apostates; bowling alley owners; evil clowns; and so-called journalists and even law enforcement agents to launch salvo after salvo of Black PR attacks upon Scientology organizations.

Xenu was doing all this to stop the delivery of standard Scientology in our Orgs. Moreover, Xenu was attempting to derail Scientology’s straight up and vertical global expansion across the 15 continents and 22,761 countries of Earth.

Acting in his always decisive manner in which he exerts Command Intention, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige ordered in 2008 that we in OSA locate, capture, and neutralize Xenu. No expense was to be spared. Teams of alien capture specialists were recruited from the CIA and other agencies. To date, Scientology has spent $55 million tracking Xenu all over the planet. 

The call came in last week at 2200 hours Int Base time. Our agents had located Xenu in the California desert. GPS coordinates were telexed to our 200+ field agents with the coded order “TERMINATE TAPIOCA WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE.”

Our forces were airborne within the hour and were converging on the sight. We were ready to take down Xenu and end his unholy reign of 4th dynamic suppression and overt acts.

At sunrise our agents had Xenu surrounded with special space weapons trained on him. The order to fire was given!

But then nothing happened.

It turned out to be a very clever decoy Xenu placed out in the desert by the Psychs to fool our agents!

But we will hunt you down and take you out Xenu! We vow this by the sacred floating Hubbard Head!