“Spacelord Xenu’s long-time criminal associate Darth Vader was arrested and taken into custody at the Scientology World Fair in Hemet,” announced International Justice Chief Mr. Ken Delusion.
“Vader was spotted in the Operating Thetan Pavilion trying to steal upper level materials as these fetch astronomically high prices on both the Marcabian Black Market and in Hong Kong,” Delusion reported.
“Alert RTC security forces overpowered and apprehended Vader — a criminal fugitive who has been on Scientology’s Top Ten Most Wanted Listed since 1983. Vader will be imprisoned in an electronic mountain prison without bail while he awaits trial on millions of felony charges of Implanting Humans by use of Reverse Dianetics.“
“As the most ethical group on the planet, we in the Church of Scientology oppose fake news,” declared Church spokesman Ken Delusion.
“These fake news stories peddled by the Psychs also slanderously portray Scientology’s global ecclesiastical leader Mr. David Miscavige as a ravening, violent, and ill-tempered hoodlum who is propelled along in life by his own narcissism, insatiable greed, and caprice.”
