Xenu’s cheerleaders will do anything to keep the masses away from Scientology Orgs — particularly now that Mr. David Miscavige has completed his Herculean task of building and opening 15,708 Ideal Orgs […]
Xenu’s Cheerleaders
Xenu Arrested for DUI After Colliding With Santa Claus
“Xenu was 3x over the legal limit,” said State Trooper Rock Slammer. “Xenu didn’t even realize he had flown into Santa’s sleigh until we were handcuffing him at the scene for DUI.” […]
David Miscavige Injured in His Attempts to Save the World; Now Unable to Make Court Appearance
“Defendant Miscavige is not available for deposition,” explained Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “It seems COB needs a walker these days after he broke his back heroically piloting OTIX and OTX. The fifteen […]
The Time Xenu Escaped from His Electronic Mountain Prison!
Due to Scientology’s International Landlord Office forgetting to renew the annual maintenance contract, the eternal battery failed on Xenu’s electronic mountain prison. The force field having collapsed, Xenu fled incarceration, stole a […]
Secret Details of the Recent OSA Conspiracy Congress Meeting
“Scientology needs a new and better central conspiracy theory!” exclaimed Cult Leader Miscavige. “Our current story of Xenu capturing everyone, throwing them into volcanoes, and nuking them can’t possibly compete with the […]
Archeo-Scientologists Discover an Intact 75-Million Year Old Spaceplane!
Just as the discovery of 50,000 year old fossilized e-meter shocked the world and proved the antiquity of Scientology, the latest discovery by Dr. Ken Delusion’s team of Archeo-Scientologists is guaranteed to […]
Xenu’s Criminal Associate Arrested
“Spacelord Xenu’s long-time criminal associate Darth Vader was arrested and taken into custody at the Scientology World Fair in Hemet,” announced International Justice Chief Mr. Ken Delusion. “Vader was spotted in the […]
