Scientology Ethics Officers to Resume Brutal Sec Checks

Scientology Ethics Officers

“Now that the world is reopening,” said COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige, “I have ordered Scientology Ethics Officers to begin ordering Scientologists in for brutal sec checks that last hundreds of hours and cost more than $100,000 per sec check!

“The reason for this,” COB explained, “is that Scientologists have committed a massive amount of crimes and overts during the so-called pandemic!

“Sec checks thus far indicate that virtually all Scientologists stayed home and watched millions of hours of porn, Netflix, and YouTube — and not even one of them watched any Scientology TV or did any online Dianetics courses! As a group, Scientologists are backsliders and degraded beings! The group R6 bank keyed in! Scientologists have reverted to their various and disgusting wog behaviors!

“This is utterly disgraceful. The Church of Scientology is in need of a massive Ethics handling and overhaul!” COB shrieked from the deck of The Freewinds.

In happier news, COB announced that OTIX and OTX will be released just as soon as the massive Ethics handling and overhaul is completed and all Scientologists are returned to a fully ethical state of beingness.

4 replies »

    • Scientologists have told us their favorite porn website is “Hot Implanting Station Action!” Apparently, this is Marcab porn in which erotic, and often unnatural, acts are committed between Scientologists and their Marcab Implanters.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. COB says: The beatings will continue until morale improves!! COB LOVES to watch the hidden video of the beatings; it makes him so excited that he has to engage in onanism!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Ah yes, pandemic catch phrases: “blowing charge”…”rock slammin”…”handling”…”it’s overts and withholds, NOT big squirts and toe holds!”…”is it phuck checks on Farsec or sex checks on Arse-lykus?”…”long fall, hoes down!”…”bull mating, er, baiting, um…”….let’s DRILL!”…and so many more…


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