Tag Archives: sec checks

We in Scientology are not a Cult!

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We in Scientology are not a Cult! Plenty of religions have paramilitaries, prisons, beat their clergy & conduct interrogations on members.

New and Easier “Sec Checks Lite” Feature 50% Less Brutality!

CDM.10“Captain David Miscavige is inviting you to drop by your nearest Ideal Org to experience the new Sec Check Lite!” enthused Church spokesman Ken Delusion.

“Designed by RTC to handle your crimes against Captain Miscavige and the Church, the new Sec Check Lite  will get you back flying on the Bridge in no time!”

“Sec Check Lite skips the interrogation of your wholetrack crimes and zeroes in on your present time crimes:

  • Have you been reading entheta online?
  • Are you connected to SP’s?
  • What hidden stashes of money are you withholding from the IAS?
  • Where is the global headquarters of Anonymous located?
  • Why have you been making Captain Miscavige wrong for your failures?
  • Why do you hate the Ideal Org program?
  • Why do you refuse to answer the phone when your Org calls you?
  • Have you destroyed a planet or a civilization this lifetime?
  • Did you go past a word you didn’t understand?
  • Why didn’t you attend the last costume fundraiser at your Org?
  • Did you go exterior with no perceptions?
  • Have you secretly sabotaged Scientology organizations?
  • Were you sent in by the Psychs?
  • Who is paying you?

“As you can see,” Delusion exclaimed, “the new Sec Check Lite is a piece of cake compared to the old sec checks! Come into today, get cleaned up, and get back to winning in life!”