“When applied standardly to kneecaps, elbows, or heads, the patented new RTC sec checking sledge hammer increases confessions 4700x,” declared CO OSA Inquisitions Captain Stayta Kleer.
“The new Ultra Mark VIII meter circuitry is engineered into the RTC sec checking sledge hammer to give 50,000x faster reads on withholds and crimes.”
“The perfect Christmas gift for any Ethics Officer, the RTC sec checking sledge hammer was piloted by COB RTC David Miscavige and AOLA MAA Julian Smashface. And best of all, because it’s dishwasher safe, pc blood washes off quickly and easily!”
“Priced at only $7995, COB has ordered every Church of Scientology Org, Mission, and social betterment group in the world to have at least ten RTC sec checking sledge hammers in stock for use on theetie-wheetie dilettantes, those who are under the radar reading the internet, and on all CICS who refuse to donate for their next higher IAS Patron Status!”
Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
Do they come in child size for home use? If so, it would be the perfect Christmas gift for certain pharmacists who now have to ship their errant children overseas.
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Valerie, COB hates the term “child sized” so don’t use it ever.
COB strictly refuses to allow any child to be coddled with a “child-sized” RTC sec checking sledge hammer. Children are just BT-infested adults in small bodies. These small adults will grow up a lot faster — and a lot more ethically — when they are handled standardly with the big RTC sec checking sledge hammer.
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This photo alone demonstrates genius. First I gazed upon the kooky character that actress Kathy Bates played in the film adaptation of Stephen King’s thriller, “Misery.” Next, I noticed the sledge hammer and remembered quite unfondly her method of showing affection for actor James Caan as being his “Number One fan.” Then, and only only then did I see the E-Meter dial! Brilliant! Hip Hip Hooray OTVIIISGRRR8!
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I currently own a wog eight pounder with a brand new hickory handle. Can it be retrofitted and at what cost? I do like my current sledge.
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NO, NO, NO ivanmapother. Fer Christ sakes, that would be squirreling of the highest order. Just go back and re-read this posting and clear up any misunderstood words M2 through M9 3X. Even a wog nine pounder is no match for this laser precise, 4,700X, 50,000X, silver-certed, CICS disabling model (available in the color of your IAS status). Not to be backflashy or anything like that, but this posting didn’t mention that any Ethics Officer, MAA, Sec Checker or Gang Bang Sec Checker worth their GAG II certification needs to have two of these babies per policy. Just like all eleventy billion Scientologists need to have two Super Duper Mark VIII Easy Bake Warehouse model Hubbard Electro Psychometer. No O/Dub is safe anymore, all will be revealed. Clean hands make a clean life you know.
PS The hickory handle of your wog eight pounder can be used for extreme cases e.g. al-Gaddafi style if necessary so don’t just toss it because it is an inferior wog product.
ml,
MBH
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Ms. B. Haven is very highly commended (gold star) for smashing in ethics on Ivan. We in RTC did receive her 11,156 page KR on Ivan. We in RTC found the photos to be disgusting but COB was captivated and has kept them all for himself. It is apparent to any ethical Scientologist that Ivan is hiding crimes and has more o/dubs than the Psychs have pills.
Ivan: Look at the out tech sit you are proposing. That wog eight-pounder of yours is not made from RTC ecclesiastically-approved iron or hickory. The hickory handle was not made by RPF’ers in a
Scientology prisonChurch approved rehabilitation facility.Why would we bother retrofitting an inferior wog device when an RTC approved device is only a credit card payment away from shipping? And yes, you must purchase two. Somehow SP Transcriptionists hacked this site and took out that part of the post. We at OTVIIIisGrrr8! would never make such a blatant omission so it could only be hackers — and probably NSA-SMERSH hackers financed by the Rockefeller Illuminati Psych-NWO Ideal Conspiracy Organization of Hollywood, CA.
The RIPNWO-ICO are our biggest enemies. They number less than twelve men and women but are lethal in their malign design and intent to deprive entire civilizations and planets of The Way to Happiness.
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