“When applied standardly to kneecaps, elbows, or heads, the patented new RTC sec checking sledge hammer increases confessions 4700x,” declared CO OSA Inquisitions Captain Stayta Kleer.
“The new Ultra Mark VIII meter circuitry is engineered into the RTC sec checking sledge hammer to give 50,000x faster reads on withholds and crimes.”
“The perfect Christmas gift for any Ethics Officer, the RTC sec checking sledge hammer was piloted by COB RTC David Miscavige and AOLA MAA Julian Smashface. And best of all, because it’s dishwasher safe, pc blood washes off quickly and easily!”
“Priced at only $7995, COB has ordered every Church of Scientology Org, Mission, and social betterment group in the world to have at least ten RTC sec checking sledge hammers in stock for use on theetie-wheetie dilettantes, those who are under the radar reading the internet, and on all CICS who refuse to donate for their next higher IAS Patron Status!”