The Church of Scientology’s luxury motor vessel Freewinds is the site of the special OT Hollow Earth Convention.
Featuring New OTVIII Mr. Tom Cruise, the OT Hollow Earth convention answers very specific questions:
- Why do space aliens visit the Earth?
- Are the space aliens seen in motion pictures actually real space aliens? If so, do they need a SAG card like everyone else?
- Will the space aliens attack Scientologists from their secret bases in the Hollow Earth?
- When will crypto-Scientologist Will Smith finally admit that he is actually a space alien?
- Why is COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige so very afraid of children?
- Are the space aliens secretly connected to Psychiatry?
- Are the space aliens plotting against the Church of Scientology just like everyone else?
- Will the space aliens pull an HBO-style “Going Clear” on us and make their own film attacking the Church of Scientology?
- How can Scientologists effectively Fair Game, stalk, harass, and attack space aliens?
- Are space aliens here to secretly abduct all of the BT’s and thereby bankrupt the Church of Scientology?
Mr. Tom Cruise will answer these hard-hitting questions and more during this vital ten day convention at sea.
Note: During this ten day convention all persons are to salute Mr. Cruise.
Priced at only $2,500,000 per person, this is a convention you don’t want to miss. All of the really important Scientologists will be there. If you fail to attend then you must not have the money. If so, please don’t bother showing up. Only Scientologists with a lot of money should be there. We don’t want the “less able” and downstat to attend.
I’d like to attend this important Convention but am worried about my personal safety. As the Freewinds sails in the pirate infested waters of the Caribbean will my wallet be stolen by bloodthirsty criminals preying on innocent seekers after truth? Does the Church have adequate security in place?
Andrew, you’re such a naif! The Scientology regges will have taken everything you have long before we get anywhere near the pirates!
I thought the scientology refuges were the bloodthirsty pirates Andrew was worried about.
Stop by your local org for our special Easter rundown, where we’ll hollow out the out exchange implant of Christ dying on a cross and rising from the dead so that your sins would be forgiven.
Scientology – It’s as hollow as a chocolate bunny!!! Get your hollow on today!!!
Yes and if you pay today we’ll even include a 10% discount on handling the Helatrobus Implant. Plus IAS members receive a free “Church Executive Beating” from COB!
Damn… I’m too downstat to attend even though I apply LRH finance policies to the letter (such as hide all ill-gotten funds in a Byzantine labyrinth of corporate entities). Time to go causatively drop my body in shame.
411, don’t give up yet. I’m sure you can write a postulate check for the 2.4999 million dollars you’re short and by the time you funish studying all those finance policies, it will have magically appeared.