We in the Church of Scientology Are Very Bitter!

DM.12“We in the Church of Scientology are very bitter about everything, about how unfair life is, and about how things have never quite gone our way.”

And with those words Scientology  leader David Miscavige began his speech to the tiny handful of bitter deluded Scientologists who still remain in the Church.

a-few-good-men-quotes_288x288Seated in the front row, thrice-divorced Scientologist Tom Cruise rose to his feet and declared, “I’m bitter too COB! My third wife escaped from our marriage! Why didn’t I learn from your bitter marital experience and lock Kate up like you did with Shelly? Kate would still be here if I had only locked her up!”

“But she’s gone and I have to confront the fact that this new round of wife auditions isn’t going well! It looks like my next wife will have to come from among the tiny handful of bitter deluded Scientology women who still remain in the Church! And the thought of waking up every morning to a bitter Scientology woman  until she too escapes? No wonder I’m so bitter!” Tom Cruise began sobbing bitterly and took his seat.

OSA: Not Everyone Can Handle It!

Tommy Davis: Bitter and Deluded

Former Church spokesman Tommy Davis jumped to his feet and screamed, “No you listen to me Tom Cruise! I’m real bitter right here right now! I threw away a college education for Scientology and what did it get me?”

“What did it get me?!”

“I’m real deluded, real bitter, real angry and I can’t do anything about it!”

.3Captain Jenny Linson next rose to her feet and shrieked, “I’m bitter that I don’t have a real life, a real job, and that I’ve had to eat  in a miserable Sea Org cafeteria every day of my life for the past 35 years!”

“I’m bitter that this nightmarish hell I call my personality is so aberrated that I haven’t been sessionable since 1982!”

And so the meeting went on until the tiny handful of bitter deluded Scientologists who still remain in the Church had their say. Then the lights were turned off and everybody retired to the respective places of abode to contemplate their bitterness, failure, and meaninglessness on all dynamics.

12 replies »

  1. We in the Cherch of $cientology proudly announce the reactivation of 1974’s Children of God cult; in its revision, we follow “The Gospel According to Miscavige”: in Miscavige 4:19 is where David Miscavige, Chairman of the Board (“COB”) of the Religious Trechnology Center (“RTrC”) says, “Swallow me, and I will make you flirty fishes of my f*cking fanny.”

    At “Ideal airPorts,” love bombing has become a tradition of Jennys worldwide; how else could someone such as JennyAtLAX inflict her Mary De Moss-like stalkerazzi technique on disgruntled apostates in broad daylight and get away with it?

    The Stalkerazzi 12-Step Program, if applied correctly, sets Jennys up to win the favors and converts that the act of attacking apostates is supposed to achieve. Female members of $cientology are “COB’s whores” and “hookers for COB.” The updated version of Flirty Fish my F*cking Fanny (“FFFFing”) includes sex to whales with their “donation” for $cientology services, most notably for the inverted “Bridge to Fleedom.” FFFFing and hooking-for-whales (the larger the better; in $cientology, $ize matters!) is about the only way this sorry-ass religion is going survive after the effective blow delivered by the HBLOW® documentary, “Gone Clear: $cientology and the Prism of Belief.” FFFFing has also resulted in second generation births (known as “Four Feet Thirteen Babies”). So far, in 2015, one trillion six billion four million seven thousand two hundred and six “fish” have been spawned.


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