“And that is why we in the Church of Scientology have hired the insouciant rogue nation to handle the Church’s seemingly endless media and internet problems.”
“The multi-year contract will pay North Korea up to one hundred million dollars in hard cash. This incentive program rewards North Korea for the quantity and efficiency with which it removes online entheta about the Church of Scientology. The internet and the media must be cleaned to a Snow White finish, so to speak,” Delusion proclaimed.
“We will also have North Korea handle the upcoming HBO and the BBC documentaries about Scientology,” Delusion added. “These so-called documentaries are wholly unnecessary and enturbulative and need to be purged from this local sector of the galaxy.”
“Just as North Korea acted to protect its beloved leader, so too is the Church of Scientology acting to protect its beloved leader,” Delusion emphasized. “And that is why Our North Korean internet consultants know how vital it is to swiftly and decisively locate and remove all entheta focused upon the Church of Scientology’s global ecclesiastical leader Captain David Miscavige of the Sea Org.”
“The SP’s have pilloried our Captain Miscavige for being a brutal, profane, and vainglorious narcissist when in fact he is the most compassionate and important religious leader in the past 500,000 years. ”
“His magnificence and importance can only be truly appreciated by removing the lies about him from the internet and the media.”
“Given the failure of our fancy wog lawyers and the quacking buffoons in OSA to handle the problems,” Delusion complained, “We in RTC decided to hire North Korea as our new PR agency. Frankly, we like the North Korean method of anticipating and handling PR challenges much better than what Mike Sitrick offered us.”