Church of Scientology & North Korea Leaders Issue Joint Global Christmas Statement

Church of Scientology ecclesiastical leader David Miscavige and North Korean leader Kim Jong Un today issued a joint global Christmas statement calling for a greater acceptance and tolerance of totalitarian regimes.

“The only reason totalitarian regimes have a bad reputation,” said Mr. Miscavige, “is because the evil Psychiatric interests who own and control the media are out to get us.”

Leader Kim Jong Un nodded in agreement.

“And so in 2015, we in the Church of Scientology and our dear friends in North Korea demand to be treated with respect.”

“We demand an end to the endless  jokes, japes, investigations, exposes, and especially the constant sniggering,” said Miscavige. “Sure, I may be a demented Cult leader clawing to hang onto power, but the Church of Scientology is my business and people should stay the hell out of my business! Sometimes I just want to punch SP’s senseless and then smash them to pulp…”

As Mr. Miscavige was quickly led offstage by his North Korean hosts, North Korean leader Kim Jong Un echoed Mr. Miscavige’s call for a greater acceptance and tolerance of totalitarian regimes.

Mr. Kim Jong Un concluded by warning that if anyone in the world  dared to watch The Interview over the holiday season there would be a gangster response from North Korea that would make the Church of Scientology’s antics look puny, idiotic, and and insignificant by comparison

10 replies »

  1. The world will be a much better place now that the eternal and immutable truth as it appears in the eye of “Him to Whom all truth is known” (Captain David Miscavige) can be disseminated without fear of dissent from a small collection of unemployed bloggers living on the fringe of the Internet.

    Thank you COB and Kim Jong Un for making this the Christmas 47 times better than last Christmas.


  2. The implication that Kim Jong Un is the more sensible of the two may in fact be true. Witness that upon hearing “State of Clear” would play in the Sundance Film Festival, COB approached the North Korean leader regarding a plan to use a DPRK thermonuclear device to remove Park City, UT from the face of the earth in late January 2015, thereby liberating thousands of SP thetans from their meat bodies. Final negotiations between the two leaders are ongoing.


  3. ” but the Church of Scientology is my business and people should stay the hell out of my business! ”

    Really? A business? I thought it was a Chirch..cough cough


  4. It’s so good to see Scientology outreach programs having success in even the remotest corners of the globe! NK is just another in a long line of governnments that have come on board and are using LRH tech!! Kim’s TR’s are brilliant!!


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