“The Church of Scientology’s financial impact accounts for 20% of all jobs in America,” Church spokesman Ken Delusion declared today by telex from the ship.
“For example, our Ideal Org gas stations employee 230,000 people across all 72 states in America.”
“And because Scientology spending creates one out of every five jobs, we demand better treatment. The criminal joking and degrading about the Church of Scientology must stop! The unfounded internet attacks must stop! The snickering about Scientology celebrities must end! And yes, the endless japes about His Imperial Holiness David Miscavige must cease!” demanded Delusion.
“Likewise, the sniggering and chortling about the Xylene Encapsulating Nuclear Übermensch who figures so prominently in our upper level materials will cease upon pain of death!”
“But what we in the Church of Scientology want most of all, what we demand, is that His Imperial Holiness David Miscavige be given immunity from all civil and criminal acti0ns. If our demand is not immediately met by the US Congress and wog president Brent Obama, we will begin financial sanctions that include a ban on the on the sale of e-meters!”
“We don’t want to punish America,” Delusion darkly intoned, “but we will if His Imperial Holiness is held to account by wog courts and the wog justice system!”