David Miscavige? Who? We Have No Record of Such a Person!

DM.29Having purchased citizenships in Malta, Antigua, Barbuda, St. Kitts, and a few other countries, David Miscavige proceeded to  legally change his name in these countries.

David Miscavige then purchased citizenship in twelve additional countries under his new new aliases.

He then legally changed his name in these second set of countries. Whereupon, David Miscavige then went back and purchased citizenship in the names of his secondary aliases in the twelve countries from which he had originally purchased citizenship.

Mr. Miscavige now had exactly one dozen different and impossible-to-trace aliases with citizenship and passports in twelve countries.

In St. Kitts and Nevis, he had changed his name to Gleason Tidings.

Mr. Gleason Tidings then paid some money and got himself ordained a Christian minister in a local Church on St. Kitts.

Pastor Gleason Tidings next began his own brand new church on an adjacent tax haven island. This new church was called The Gospel of Hope Ministries.

Although The Gospel of Hope Ministries was very small,  it quickly became extremely wealthy; this due to the enormous and repeated donations from exactly one dozen people in various countries.

The money just poured in like rain.

*****

When the RICO indictments for David Miscavige and others were handed down, COB RTC was nowhere to be found.

OSA told investigators he had disappeared weeks earlier without a trace.

******

Pastor Gleason Tidings sat sipping scotch in his luxury parsonage on an equally  luxurious island that had no extradition treaty with the US. He chuckled to himself as he read the news that someone named David Miscavige had died of cancer in Bonaire and had been immediately cremated and scattered upon the ocean after his demise.

As for the people in RTC and OSA who were headed to prison, it mattered not. These people, you see, were members of a very strange cult. Pastor Tidings was a good Christian minister who disapproved of cults and other such things.

virgin-islands-villa-whydah

11 responses to “David Miscavige? Who? We Have No Record of Such a Person!

  1. So the Very Reverend Tidings has 12 wealthy disciples. That’s better than 13 which was an unlucky number for another religious leader.

    Andrew

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  2. Should I offer the good pastor an invitation to the upcoming Policeman’s Ball?

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  3. I thought that this blog was supposed to be: “The World’s Best Satire of the Church of Scientology and its Leader David Miscavige”. When did the theme change from satire to serious?

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  4. Hey! Take me with you, fucker!

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  5. If you look closely you may be able to see the “Free pressure or tension exerted on a material object Test” sign by the front door.

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  6. Woe is the fact that even in elevator lifts, Pastor Tidings by virtue of his diminutive stature is so short he draws unwanted attention. He is not the type who can blend into a crowd. He is cursed to live his life apart from the crowd never knowing the small pleasures that make life worth living.

    The curse of a such a big being in such a small body could drive a lesser man insane…not Captain Miscaviage or Pastor Tidings)…both so perfectly psychotic they are able to claim full sanity with a straight face.

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  7. Shouldn’t he surrender his Fleet Admiral uniform if he assumes other identities? Since each uniform is inscribed with the Admirals own initials, it could give him away, if spotted by his personal dresser (who might be an SP).

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