OT Prosperity Convention — Change of Venue Announced

CrazyLady

Scientology spokesperson Karin Pouw

Church of Scientology spokesperson Karin Pouw today announced that the OT Prosperity Convention has been moved.

“Originally scheduled at the Best Western, the event has been moved to the Denny’s on Sunset Boulevard,” Pouw stated.

“Despite the change of venue,” Pouw commented, “this will nevertheless be the 47x biggest ever OT Prosperity Convention in world history. Mr. Calvin Snotter of the Freewinds will share vital planetary-changing data — after which he will hit up attendees for donations and then skip out on his part of the tab.”

“Plan to be there.”

22 responses to “OT Prosperity Convention — Change of Venue Announced

  1. I need a rolling on the floor, laughing, kicking and choking .gif.

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  2. Awesome, they can fit at least 23 people at that Denny’s. Clanetary Plearing is so within reach.

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  3. Denny’s is an excellent choice for Scientologists who would prefer to spend money on upgrading their status than wasting it on overpriced hotel buffets.

    ‘All you can Eat Pancakes’ for $4 makes a healthy and delicious meal. Once again, COB is showing how much he cares for his parishioners!

    Andrew

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  4. It can’t be helped…sometimes one’s eyes see what they are conditioned to see and therefore make their own truth…and what is true for us is true, right?

    Prosperity CONVERSION is what we saw.

    And seriously….would anyone be surprised we saw “OT Prosperity Conversion”? After all, who would argue against Scientology easily being the most proficient “religion” in the world at “Prosperity Conversion”? Pope David I values Prosperity Conversion so highly he awards multi-tiered statuses to the “converted”, mimicking the biggest pyramid sales organizations. He even mimics their large conventions where rabid frothing is the norm inducing the audience members to seek, to enhance their conversion status. The only unforeseen problem is once properly (fully) converted, their use to Scientology and vice versa – Scientology’s use to the converted dwindles sharply to the point of nothingness.

    Factually therefore, the change of venue to Denny’s makes perfect sense, because there are so few remaining unconverted Scientologists they can all easily sit together in one of those giant wrap-around corner booths and enjoy a Grand Slam conversion pitch.

    Sometimes, what is true for us may be true for others as well, no?

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  5. I had a HUGE Cog reading this….I can order “Moons over Myhammy” and learn about Planetary Clearing – much like Jeff Spicoli’s “Having some pizza and learning about Cuba” in Fast Times at Ridgemont High

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  6. if the Scientologists in attendance fail to cough up enough dough, then we will use gun point fund raising on any wogs in the restaurant. We will hold the suppressive wogs hostage until their families pay their ransoms.

    It’s a new Scientology sacrament, and any police attempt to stop us will be sued for interfering in our religious practices.

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  7. Davey should leave Co$ and head up ISIS, which has more members.

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  8. Keep up the good work. I enjoy your site, commentary and video interviews tremendously. Fair and with no ax to grind. Just facts and evidence with lots of humor entered in, which I get a kick out of. Thanks

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  9. Poor OTVIIIisGrrr8!
    The Church of almighty righteousness is imploding faster than your feeble attempt to parody it!

    You are just going to have to aim lower. 😦

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  10. We in Global Capitalism HQ appreciate a good bargain, and Denny’s Meat Lover’s Omelette hits the spot. We love those kinds of bargains almost as much as we love bargains on the companies we buy and restructure, or the bargains on a “gently used” Gulfstream jet that we score from those less skilled at investing large sums of money than ourselves.

    We also salute the practicality of you in RTC by holding these events at Denny’s. Since their locations never close, we observe that you can hold all-night “crush regging” sessions without having to pay hotel staff overtime, or even keeping your Sea Org minions up past their normal 20 hour-per-day work schedule. And the unlimited refills on caffeinated soft drinks keep the energy level in the room at a palpable level of intensity.

    And of course, since we are one of the top ten stockholders in Denny’s, the more successful your convention, the more we in Global Capitalism HQ profit from your little adventures.

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    • The Church of Scientology and Denny’s have inked a confidential deal whereby all Denny’s locations are now designated as secret Scientology Ideal Orgs. Therefore, anyone who walks into a Denny’s is automatically counted as a Scientology parishioner. We can now factually state that there are millions and millions of new Scientologists.

      What does Denny’s get out of the deal?

      OSA sec checks their executives and employees as needed. Furthermore, OSA will wage Fair Game campaigns against Denny’s competitors. We will also assist Denny’s in its planned hostile takeover of Dunkin’ Donuts.

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    • These all night “crush regging” sessions are indeed all the rage. Back in the day, Denny’s used to be overrun (no pun intended) with “coffee shop auditing”. All very “out tech” of course. This sort of activity generated a small amount of income for the Church in the form of review auditing/CSing, but obviously “coffee shop regging” is much more lucrative.

      Like

  11. I pulled a “Dine and Dash” at a Denny’s once. Or maybe you know it better as a “Chew and Screw”. Anyway, listen, I’m not a bad guy — I came in with the intention of paying, but the server was very, very rude to me.

    When I ordered the Grand Slamwich without bread, she says, “Sooo, you would like a regular Grand Slam?” And kind of giggled as if that were funny. I said, “Uhh, no, I would like you to make a Grand Slamwich and then take the bread off. And I’ll take that without the sass, thank you.”

    “What sauce?”

    “Sass! Sass, not sauce! Just go make the damn sammich, lady.”

    So by this point my mind is made up that I’m not paying for this Grand Slamwich, bread or no bread. I finished my meal, and the rude lady says, “How was your meal? Can I get you anything else?” With a big smile on her face, pretending like she isn’t the rudest she-devil in all of Dennydom.

    “Yes, I would like a glass of cherry coke, with exactly three ice cubes. Three. No more, no less.” I don’t even like cherry coke, this was just to get the she-devil to go away so I could make my escape.

    And it worked brilliantly. I managed to get out to the parking lot completely unnoticed. Well, maybe a few of my fellow patrons noticed me as I was infantry crawling toward the exit. But I got out. I was free.

    The problem was I had no idea where I parked my car, or if I even drove my car there, or how the hell I had gotten there. Plus, I was extremely drunk, so I decided to take a quick nap on the side of the building.

    Some time later, minutes, maybe hours, I don’t know, a young Denny’s employee poked me until I awoke. “Sir, here, you left your wallet in the booth. We charged one of your cards for the meal, and the police are on the way.”

    I thought it very polite of this well-mannered young man to address me as ‘Sir’. So the point of the story is that there is hope for America yet. There are still youth that are being raised properly. Youth that still learn their manners. God bless this great nation of ours.

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    • A famous Scientology actor once awakened late at night outside a Denny’s in Hollywood with his pants down around his ankles. He had been unnaturally and repeatedly violated. He called CCI for help. Unmarked cars were immediately dispatched.

      The victim was taken inside of Denny’s, cleaned up in the men’s room, and fed a Grand Slam and coffee. Having been tended to and fed, the victim was then blamed for pulling it in and charged $375,000 on the spot for an Ethics cycle at CCI.

      No charges were pressed as the offender was a supremely high ranking Church official. We in RTC chose to handle this episode internally.

      Like

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