“Folks are just so doggone crazy about those “all you can eat” specials at wog restaurants,” observed Dr. Eldon Weiner, CO Marketing Development, Flag Land Base.
“The Olive Garden offered its a ‘Never Ending Pasta Bowl‘ last year and served 13,000,000 bowls of pasta! That’s a whole lotta pasta!”
“And that’s why we at Flag are jumping on the ‘all you can eat’ bandwagon by offering our own All You Can Audit! special for the next three months!
“Take as many intensives as you want and gorge yourselves on endless F/N’s and wins!”
“Flag’s super-exciting and super-theta All You Can Audit! special works this way: Donate $250,000 on advance payment, grab the cans, and let err rip!”
“We have a coupla’ hundred Flag auditors ready and waiting, not busy, willing and able to rocket pc’s up the Bridge. So come to Flag today and start winning!”
Disclaimer: $250,000 nonrefundable for eternity. All participants agree to re-do and complete the Basics and the GAT II Purif when they route onto the All You Can Audit! promotional program. Participants further agree to neve, ever, ever sue COB RTC, FSO, FSSO, CSI, RTC, IAS, CST, CSRT, SIRT, SOR, YSCOHB, WISE, ABLE, or even the defunct CSC. All disputes are subject to arbitration in the Netherland Antilles at your expense before our hand-picked Cuban magistrate and his brutal deputies. All ordered Ethics cycles, sec checks retreads, and redos must be paid for with new money. All course materials must be paid for with new money. Success stories must praise COB RTC for his glorious works or a fine of $50,000 and a significant beating out back in the alley will be assessed for each infraction. The All You Can Audit! promotion additonally requires that participants stay in shared (eight to a room) Flag-only accommodations and eat only at Flag restaurants. Super Power Rundowns not included in this promotion. Further, this promotion specifically excludes free drink refills at all Flag restaurants so don’t even ask! A fuel surcharge of $150 per day per person for The Freewinds applies. All cell phones, laptops, and other electronic devices must be surrendered upon check in. All passports and other forms of personal identification must be surrendered upon check in. All participants agree to undergo regular body cavity searches and head x-rays. Psychiatrists are excluded from this offer. Participants agree to not rabbit from the Purif, blow the Base, or go Type III on any public sidewalk or street.