Blown Sea Org Member Recovered After 43 Years!

Clear.GAT.11“You can run but you can’t hide,” declared Sea Org Commander Linda Beater, CO of BSOMRU (Blown Sea Org Member Recovery Unit).

“And so when Melden Fenster blew the Sea Org in 1971 after two years of service and ‘went to ground’ he thought he was safe — especially as the decades went on.”

“But then, as he dozed on a park bench last week, a team of elite BSOMRU agents pounced upon the 83 year old Fenster.”

“Do you recognize this contract?” a BSOMRU agent asked the dazed Fenster. “You signed it for a billion years and you still owe the Church 999,999,998 years! And then there is the matter of your Freeloader Bill of $23,712.00 plus compounded interest. We’re talking $378,129,821!”

“Fenster is now in the RPF making up the damage he has done to the group.  His family may ransom him from the RPF by paying his Freeloader Bill,” said Commander Beater. “Other than that, we own him because let’s face it: The Church of Scientology is basically a gigantic contract of adhesion and we can do whatever we want to our members. They have no choice.”

10 responses to “Blown Sea Org Member Recovered After 43 Years!

  1. If only he had exteriorized with perception.

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  2. Not entirely ludicrous considering the subject matter….still, OMG LoOL.

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  3. He’ll be RPF’ed for the next 1000 lifetimes.

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    • 1000 lifetimes is a drop in the bucket of a billion years…I’d say he’s getting off easy…which once again shows the mercy afforded by Pope David I.

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  4. We in RTC wish to point out that our boy Wally Pope argued last week in the Garcia case that religion itself is a contract of adhesion. Therefore, it logically follows that when the Church of Scientology recovers blown Sea Org members and then makes their families ransom them by paying their Freeloader Bill, this is protected religious conduct. Expect more recoveries of blown Sea Org members and a stat boom in ransom collections.

    “Our new practice of ‘religiously protected ransoms’ will more than offset declining IAS donations,” declared COB RTC David Miscavige. “And I want to make it clear,” he added, “that we in the Church of Scientology are not Somali pirate kidnappers and extortionists; we are rather Ecclesiastical and there is a big difference.”

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  5. looks like my long lost grandpa!!!!

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  6. I tried to warn him but he wouldn’t listen. “It’s cool, I’m just gonna go feed the pigeons”, Grampa said as he closed the door behind him. I knew that would be the last time I would ever see my dear old Shabadoo again. THE DAMN FOOL!

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  7. This weekend I tried to have some coffee shipped to my house only to be told that it could not be shipped to my address because it could only be shipped within the US. At the time, I was upset that no one had told me our state had seceded from the Union, now I am glad. That may mean I am safer than I would otherwise be when they come to retrieve me. I hope we have changed languages and currency to make locating me harder as well.

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  8. The Theta Family took him back. Someone has to shuffle the CF files.

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