Paramedics were called today when the Church of Scientology experienced another massive panic attack.
“The dizziness intensified and soon the Church began hyperventilating and screaming to nearby pedestrians that it was about to die.”
“Concerned citizens dialed 911 as Scientology lay prone on a public sidewalk while gripped in a fullblown panic attack.”
“The Church was rushed here to the Intensive Care Unit at Hollywood Religious Hospital,” Dr. Shirley Dye commented. “An initial examination revealed serious butthurt incurred after Scientology and many of its members were caught buying fake Twitter followers.”
“The prognosis for the Scientology is not good,” Dr. Dye solemnly intoned.