Police Report on John Doe

PDCase Number: 588-02-3-19-2014   Date: 3-19-2014   – Central Station. Prepared By: Officer Jones, Badge #3171

Details of Event: While on routine patrol, a white adult male, approximately 5’4″,  130 pounds, and 50 years of age was observed wandering in the alley near 1st and Main @ 1121 hours in a dazed and confused condition.

Subject male was was hostile and aggressive upon questioning and claimed that he was the “world’s foremost global ecclesiastical leader” and stated to officers that he was looking, “for my latest new Ideal Org.” When questioned about the meaning of this term, subject stated that, “an Ideal Org is fully ideal in every way. Whereupon, a thetan can originate that Eternity is finally attainable after too many decades of arbitraries and alterations of the technology.”

DM.29

Field Interview Photo

When asked his name, subject said it was “COB” and, for some reason, insisted to officers that he was not a Captain, had never been called a Captain, and demanded that officers not call him a Captain as he found the term very derogatory.

Subject refused to further identify himself and had no identification on him. Subject claimed that his “personal communicator” carried his identification and other personal effects. Subject further insisted to officers that he had never once sent a text message to anyone in Texas and denied ever having had any dealings with anyone in Texas.

When informed by officers that he was being detained for a field interview, subject became increasingly agitated and hostile and asked to speak with one of his 22 lawyers. When asked which of his lawyers he wanted the police to contact the subject replied, “that one, you know, the one who was the Supreme Court Chief Justice.” Subject then demanded to be taken to “the ship.” When pressed for details, subject said he had a private cruise ship in the Bahamas at his disposal and expected to be flown there immediately in Tom Cruise’s private jet.

Actions Taken: Subject was taken into custody for a 5150 psychiatric evaluation. Upon confinement in the holding cell the subject demanded a high protein meal. Subject was given two standard jail bologna sandwiches and a fruit cup. Subject threw the food at the wall of the cell and screamed that he could only eat lamb flown in from Australia or Kobe beef flown in from Japan. Subject then requested a glass of scotch.

When informed that he would be transported within the hour to a local psychiatric facility for a 72 hour evaluation, subject became unruly and screamed at jail staff that, “Psychiatry is against my religion.”

Subject then demanded that members of his religion immediately be called to take him under their own care and supervision.  When asked who officers should call, subject gave a phone number for a location in San Jacinto, California.

Officers called the number and an individual identifying himself as “Warren” answered the phone. When informed that “COB” was requesting religious assistance to prevent a 72 hour psychiatric confinement, “Warren” said that he had never heard of anyone called “COB” and hung up.

Summary: Subject became violent and had to be transported in shackles to the psychiatric facility.

25 responses to “Police Report on John Doe

  1. Still on your side

    So that’s where he is……

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  2. Oh my! He does appear to have completely lost his way. He´s probably overworked. I think he needs to be put to rest.

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    • He may be having a psychotic episode. Does he have delusional thoughts about Super Powers, owning the US legal system or having millions of followers? How does he feel about having a psychiatric exam?

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  3. Tom Cruise will rush to his side and tell them Cob’s sanity has never been in question. At which point Tom will be a guest as well.

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  4. I´m just wondering: Was he carrying a plane ticket and a big suitcase full of money?

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  5. This story cheers me up! Actually the whole mess could end in such an easy way.

    This is worth a postulate. A real postulate as LRH stated in Esto Tape 6 7203CO3 SO II) “POSITIVE POSTULATES, from the viewpoint of positive postulates there is no negative aspect. You just skip the whole category of negativism. This has something to do with the granting of beingness. If you can conceive of a postulate that doesn’t also conceive any negative then you know what I’m talking about when I talk about a positive postulate. It’s not only that there is no negative given attention to but it does not assume that any negative is possible. It doesn’t pay any attention to negatives. It isn’t in the positive-negative to the degree that there is a dichotomy. It just is itself. Your determination or intention that somebody be a good, effective staff member is of course a positive postulate. It will be ineffective to the degree that you doubt it.”

    I postulate: “An independent Scientology Religon which is free, tolerant, reliable, thruthful, friendly and that makes Clears in volumes and everyone helps eachother the way up to OT and supports artists in exchange for a happy living within families or communities.”

    We are legion, we could just put it there!

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    • Scary thing is that my 2 year old nephew greeted me at the door with ” If you can conceive of a postulate that doesn’t also conceive any negative then you know what I’m talking about when I talk about a positive postulate.”. I gave him a pack of Kools and he left me alone for a while.

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  6. Dear Strubbl!
    I totally agree with your postulate. But this CANNOT be done without our Dear Leader COB! – Will someone PLEASE help him out of his deranged and delusional state NOW! Tom Cruise, are you there?

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    • Birgit – You’ve hit the nail on the head!! Scientology is not definitely not Scientology without COB.

      Factually – minus COB, it is instead just the demented, unorganized, and punctuation deficient blatherings of a paranoid psychotic pathological liar who passed away in 1986. Only squirrels dare to speak of the business of Scientology operating and/or functioning without the oversight of Comrade Captain COB.

      Further, the state of clear and the power of OT are produced and maintained only through the benevolence of the Comrade Captain. It is also true they are only obtained/maintained with the precise measurement of a Mark VIII Ultra meter, another gift from COB available only to Scientologists in good standing.

      So you see, Scientology is simply not possible without COB. His detention at the hands of the Psychs effectively puts a screeching halt to the Bridge work of millions of Scientologists. Eternity’s day of reckoning for every man, woman, and child of this prison planet is fast approaching.

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  7. Are you sure he was 5’4″? That seems a little tall…

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  8. I’ll bet he claims to know some famous movie stars.

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  9. if this could only be true ++++++++++

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  10. 5’4″? ….. that’s with his lifts, surely?

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  11. “Subject became violent and had to be transported in shackles to the psychiatric facility.”

    Heck, subject should be thankful for not getting The Introspection Rundown.

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  12. “Those who are tardy do not get Fruit Cup!” ROFL!

    This has got to be the funniest one yet! Tweeted and Facebooked!

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  13. Don’t tell Davey he is in a hospital taking psych drugs. Tell him he is on a spacecraft and his BTs are being removed.

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  14. Poor COB… he should have bought diplomatic immunity off the Bulgravians.

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  15. God I hope he reads this… lol.

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