OTVIIIisGrrr8!

All Scientologists Ordered to See Will Smith’s “After Earth” 10X This Weekend!

Speaking from the Scientology One News Bureaux in Hollywood, Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion today announced that COB RTC David Miscavige has ordered all 3.2 billion members of the Church of Scientology to see Will Smith’s film After Earth at least ten times this weekend.

“Because After Earth so brilliantly portrays key Scientology values such as being mordant, grim, violent, and whiny in the face of Apocalypse, the Psych media has attacked the film and is trying to label it as the new Battlefield Earth,” Delusion noted.

AEM

“This is not fair or right,” Delusion added, “and that is why Mr. Miscavige has ordered all Scientologist to flood into theaters this weekend to see After Earth at least ten times. Scientologists must then make YT videos extolling the film and encouraging others to see it.”

“Just as the Church successfully flooded the internet with cookie-cutter websites in the 1990’s to counter a wave of hysterical anti-Scientology websites, so too now will Scientologists flood movie theaters this weekend to see After Earth,” Delusion stated.

“We will show Hollywood that Scientologists have a reach for Will Smith movies that goes around what the critics say. And by giving Will Smith this gigantic Scientology reach-around,” Delusion added, “the Church will show Hollywood critics that they do not attack a film simply because it conveys a wholesome Scientology message of perseverance in the face of giant space alien monsters.”

12 replies »

  1. “…do not attack a film simply because it conveys a wholesome Scientology message of perseverance in the face of giant space alien monsters”…

    Classic…COB had to coin that line himself, right?

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  2. Well OT8, there are only 20,000 IAS members, so if each goes 10 times, that’s 200,000 viewers. Ar $9 a ticket, that’s $1.8 million. So, the $200million loss Sony is facing becomes a mere $198.2 million loss.

    COB, you are brilliant! But wait, how can they afford a $9 ticket when they only earn $50 a week?

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    • 20k IAS members can’t be right…we know millions if not billions have been exposed to technology. We also know that the new ideal orgs have been flooded with new members. I mean, c’mon there are more than 20k Rastafarians…way more than 20k Wiccans…

      Are you trying to honestly say that Scientology is some kind of fringe weirded out religion without any kind of mainstream pull or credibility? Let’s be serious for a second…Scientology is the only religion capable of clearing the planet, so therefore 20k is probably the number of new IAS members for yesterday alone!!

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      • Yeah, you’re right. Everyone Paul Haggis knew in Hollywood was and is a scientologist. Tom Cruise is constantly asked what scientology is. It’s got to be the fastest growing religion of all time.

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      • Actually, Co$ is a lot like the Lyndon Larouche movement. It’s small. obsessed with conspiracy theories, and was founded by an indistinguished person.

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    • Thank you for that Karin Pouw.

      It is truly refreshing to have some Theta in the midst of so much Entheta created by SP’s.

      It is a scientific fact that a given quantity of Theta can unenturbulate a given quantity of Entheta in a ratio sufficient to create Planetary Clearing.

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    • @wogs suck: That is a great question, and we do like your screen name.

      The Big Scientology Reach-Around is everything you listed and more.

      The Big Scientology Reach-Around is all embracive in nature.

      When one receives “The Big Scientology Reach-Around” they are literally lifted up off their toes!

      When one receives The Big Scientology Reach-Around” they know that things will never again be the same in their life.

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