Self-medicated on coffee and heroin, the hundreds of millions of desperate wogs in the Great Northwest have lived in agony for endless eons while they awaited the promise that COB RTC David Miscavige would open the Portland Ideal Org.
Their day of liberation finally came as COB flew into town on his Cessna Mustang and pulled the curtain up on the magnificent new Portland Ideal Org.
Speaking from a forest-themed dais, Mr. Miscavige promised the gritty, drug-addicted denizens of Portland that help had arrived.
A crowd estimated at more than 25,000,000 Scientology parishioners cheered COB as he spoke.
The assembled Scientologists broke into three hours of wildly uncontrollable applause that appeared to border on a mass seizure when Mr. Miscavige reported that Scientology had destroyed Psychiatry in Colombia!
In honor of Mr. Miscavige’s generous gift of the Portland Ideal Org, we in RTC are asking all persons to make a $500,000 love gift to COB via the IAS.
You will receive a deluxe RTC burlwood pen in exchange for your love gift to COB.