Mr. David Miscavige Opens Portland Ideal Org — 25,000,000 Attend!

Self-medicated on coffee and heroin, the hundreds of millions of desperate wogs in the Great Northwest have lived in agony for endless eons while they awaited the promise that COB RTC David Miscavige would open the Portland Ideal Org.

Their day of liberation finally came as COB flew into town  on his Cessna Mustang and pulled the curtain up on the magnificent new Portland Ideal Org.

Speaking from a forest-themed dais, Mr. Miscavige promised the gritty, drug-addicted denizens of Portland that help had arrived.


A crowd estimated at more than 25,000,000 Scientology parishioners cheered COB as he spoke.

The assembled Scientologists broke into three hours of wildly uncontrollable applause that appeared to border on a mass seizure when Mr. Miscavige reported that Scientology had destroyed Psychiatry in Colombia!


Thanks to No-Doz, Scientology parishioners can listen to COB’s spellbinding oratory for hours and hours on end!

In honor of Mr. Miscavige’s generous gift of the Portland Ideal Org, we in RTC are asking all persons to make a $500,000 love gift to COB via the IAS.

You will receive a deluxe RTC burlwood pen in exchange for your love gift to COB.

11 replies »

    • The new “COB Love Status” levels are being finalized, but for now we in RTC are feeling nostalgic about Portland.

      We in RTC remember the Portland Crusade.

      Back then Jeff Pomerantz had a mustache.

      We were all there in Portland and Jeff needed to get some mustache wax, but where does one find that in Portland?

      Well it turns out that a specialty shop frequented by homosexuals had mustache wax and so Jeff went there and came back later that night.

      At breakfast the next morning we were all at Denny’s and someone made a joke about how badly Jeff’s new mustache wax had caked and Jeff said, “What mustache wax? The store was out.”

      That was when we in RTC realized that Jeff Pomerantz was not Sea Org material and would never be!


  1. Undoubtedly this was a COB theta burst of a magnitude not likely to be surpassed until the Inauguration of the Super Power Building in Clearwater.

    We are waiting eagerly for you in RTC to release the true video of COB’s awesome speech since some SPs have suppressed COB by fiendishly turning the volume down in the video that has been leaked to the internets by Big Psych Pharma.

    Make it go right.


    • Michael. the pure Theta power of what COB did and said when he opened the Portland Ideal Org can only be calculated as light-year kilotons per microsecond in a spherical area whereby Scientologists cogged that COB is the 8th Dynamic!

      And so yes, that is why all of the millions of people in Portland, wogs and all, were blown 5000 miles out of their heads when COB spoke.


    • COB cannot be heard by SPs when being delivering a theta burst.

      If you did not hear the COB, kindly stop by Ethics for a sec check. Once you are able to hear voices unheard by others, you will know that you once again are free of SP influence.


  2. 25 million people or 25 million thetans? Remember, there were only 700 folding chairs and they only sealed off 2 blocks. And why were there no celebrities?


  3. The scurrilous Psych allegations of photoshoppingnessess are disproven by the photos.

    There was a big crowd of dedicated, upstat, gung ho Scientologists under all of that confetti and POW! They are all winning in this business of life and livingness thanks to Scientology!


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