We in RTC were shocked when one of our wog lawyers phoned us here at Int Base to inform us that COB RTC David Miscavige is being sued for having personally saved millions of people!
Well, let we in RTC tell you that we have ordered our wog lawyers to fight this battle on land, sea, and air, for it threatens to put COB RTC David Miscavige under deposition — and COB has an ALLERGY TO DEPOSITIONS! This allergy is so bad that we in RTC have to rinse all of COB’s legal work in fifteen buckets of water just to get any whiff of a deposition out!
Scientology’s fancy wog attorney Jeffrey Riffer of Elkins Kalt Weintraub Rueben Gartside LLP wrote to CNN, “Mr. Miscavige is one of the great individuals of our time. ”
Jeff Riffer will sue the daylights out of anyone who dares to blaspheme the Church of Scientology or its outstanding humanitarian client and global ecclesiastical leader COB RTC David Miscavige!
On a side note, it is too bad that our Mr. Riffer will not get the Scientology auditing he needs to improve his eyesight and get rid of those coke bottle glasses he wears.
As Mr. Riffer makes clear in his letter to CNN, COB RTC David Miscavige, “has improved, enriched or saved millions of lives.”
But Mr. Riffer does not stop there in his ebullient praise of David Miscavige, for he emphasizes the point that Mr. Miscavige has saved millions of lives, “personally and through the Church’s numerous social betterment programs that he initiated or expanded and that are available for Scientologists and non- Scientologists alike.”
Unlike Bill and Melinda Gates who have traveled extensively to Africa to donate billions and billions of dollars to fight AIDS — which as Scientologist Jenna Elfman noted is a state of mind and not a disease — Mr. Miscavige prefers to engage in actual charity.
Mr. Miscavige’s actual charity involves sending other Scientologists over to these filthy and disease-ridden lands to take PR photos and pass out a moral code called The Way to Happiness.
What these underfed and uneducated foreigners need is a moral code and, by gosh, that is what David Miscavige has offered them.
Whether they choose to take Mr. Miscavige’s moral code and use it is up to them.
We in RTC hope these unwashed foreigners can rise above 1.1 on the Tone Scale and actually do something with their lives or else David Miscavige will have saved them in vain.