Over fifty thousand Scientologists gathered this weekend at St. Hill for the annual IAS convention.
The big news of the weekend at St. Hill was of course the announcement that the internationally famous Burger King had become a Scientologist thanks to the heroic dissemination efforts of New OT VIII Tom Cruise.
“I was at a very low point in my life, very caved in,” the Burger King said to the fifty thousand Scientologists in attendance. “Unit sales were way off and — as I later learned using the exact science of Scientology PTS/SP Tech — Ronald McDonald was the hidden SP secretly dead-agenting me on the internet. Don’t think I didn’t know about the jokes, and yes, they hurt.
“I started drinking and going down the dwindling spiral.
“I was in very bad case shape.
“And then Tom Cruise called me out of the blue to help. Tom just had the natural OT knowingness that I needed help and he reached out to help me. Acting in his capacity as a Scientology Volunteer Minister, Tom Cruise even came over to my house in Topanga Canyon where he performed a locational to get me back into Present Time. Tom also gave me a touch assist where I had been injured and wow! I as-ised it and the somatic blew!
“Tom then suggested I do the Purif and get some auditing. And, why, the next thing you know, I am at CC F/N’ing and having wins that I never dreamed possible. I now have certainty in life and know that I can make postulates that will stick! I am on services at Flag and am rocketing up my Bridge!”
In closing, the Burger King proclaimed to one and all, “Thank you COB!”