Top Secret: US Gov’t Psychological Profile of David Miscavige

Secret photo courtesy of Agent Imhotep of pseudoscientology.us

Subject “DM” is a W/M 5’1′” 118 pounds. Blue eyes, brown hair. Age 63.

DM is the sole authoritarian leader of a small and declining radicalized psychoterrorist organization headquartered in Clearwater, Florida. Subject responds to the names “COB” or “Sir” and our operatives must use these forms of address when interacting with him.

Evaluated as a violent and paranoid narcissist by DHS and FBI profilers, subject is prone to extreme acts and irrational thoughts and actions. Subject prone to grandiose ideations such as “saving the planet” and “planetary clearing.” Subject believes this outcome can be achieved by the purchase of real estate; the distribution of pamphlets; and the creation and posting of hate websites against his critics and the former members of his psychoterrorist organization who have spoken out against him and the illegal and/or brutal practices of his organization, i.e. Fair Game. That these practices, which typically create unwanted and high levels of negative publicity, are irrational, counterproductive, and ultimately self-destructive to both himself and his organization never occurs to the subject.

Subject has a penchant for purchasing decrepit old buildings and wasting vast sums of money remodeling them after leaving them vacant and rotting for 10 years or more. Source “X” has called the subject a “dramatizing interior decorator.”

Subject is indeed obsessed with fondling carpet swatches, paint sample cards, and spending long hours studying GGI animations of proposed future “Ideal Orgs” which he believes will attract millions of people into his failing organization and thereby reverse the “dwindling spiral.”

The reversal of this fictive dwindling spiral is a psychological obsession of the members of this organization and they speak of it often. Members wish to extricate themselves personally from the dwindling spiral and to reverse its rotational direction and energy so that the population of Earth is saved from being sucked down into an ever worsening situation engineered and controlled by a race of extraterrestrial psychiatrists from a planet called Farsec.

Subject DM has a small inner circle of paranoid, angry, and largely docile sycophants known to spend enormous amounts of time interrogating each other for thought crimes against DM and his organizations. Of concern in these interrogations performed on an e-meter are attitudes towards the dead Founder (LRH) and crimes committed in past lives during the 4 quadrillion year “wholetrack” during which LRH stated our universe has existed.

DM is seldom seen in public due to his fears of being served with a subpoena; being arrested by the FBI; or being kidnapped and “PDH’d” by an extraterrestrial race known as “Marcabs.”

DM stays in hiding but we know his every movement as Dr. Strabismus of Utrecht (on whom be peace) inserted nano-GPS tracking devices into DM’s hair plugs when the good doctor performed the many procedures required over time to remedy DM’s genetic male pattern baldness.

DM’s hair plugs are energized by ambient 5G signal. Or at least that is what we want the subject to think so that he uses unencrypted 2G burner phones which are much easier for our SigInt unit to intercept and listen in on.

Due to his fear that his hair plugs act as an antenna array and 5G energy-scavenging matrix, subject does spend a great deal of time wearing a tinfoil hat. When he does speak at the Fort Harrison, it is only because he had a giant Faraday cage engineered and built to enclose the ballroom. This was a very expensive and useless countermeasure. However, our operatives convinced DM it was worth the $5 million dollars he paid for the work. During the installation of the Faraday cage we replaced and upgraded our older cameras and listening devices inside the Fort Harrison.

During the many years the Flag Building was being constructed, our operatives had ample time and opportunity to insert cameras and listening devices throughout the entirety of the FLB. Our vendor, per standard practice, inserted keyloggers into all keyboards in the FLB.

Subject believes we are running various covert operations against him. We neither confirm nor deny this and instead operate based upon the principle of strategic ambiguity.

1 reply »

  1. Add to DM profile:
    Compulsive onanist
    Has the fetish: every day, beat staff and Sea Org Slaves
    Has the fetish: spends enormous amounts of money on private investigators and lawyers, to satisfy his paranoia
    Wears a tinfoil jock strap


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