Assembled in the Great Hall of Exact Data in Clearwater, Florida, Scientology ecclesiastical leader David Miscavige and Tom Cruise lead 120 million Scientologists in postulating away all entheta and Black PR which is presently being directed against the Church.

“We know from Dr. Hubbard’s exact data that the SP’s will attack us ever more ferociously when Scientology is winning. And this is what is happening,” declared Tom Cruise who added, “We are going to kick ass on these degraded Psychs who are launching wave after wave of telepathic attacks upon us from their implanting stations on Mars!”

“The media is flooded with stories of felony criminal trials, arrests, credit card fraud, and even the politicos in Los Angeles are attacking us!” roared Tom Cruise. “These are all lies!”

“Scientology is so very, very, very close to Clearing the Planet that the Psychs are throwing everything they have at us! These Psych bastards are even trying to serve our Supreme Leader David Miscavige with a subpoena as if he did something wrong! It is all Black PR and we banish it and postulate it away!”

“Begone Xenu!” Scientology’s High Priest of Thetativity David Miscavige commanded the evil Space Lord as his legions of hysterical Scientologists cheered.

“I don’t think so Dave,” Xenu chuckled to himself as he watched the televised event from his beachfront mansion in Malibu. “I like it here on Teegeeack where I have my Psychs turning Scientologists into space opera cucks.”