Tag Archives: Black PR

Freeloading Trillion Year Old Evil Space Alien Thetan in a Baby Body Busted!

Little Benjie Witt’s  mother Bonnie — an OT III — walked into the living room to find Benjie on the floor “playing” with the television remote control. Benjie had turned the television to Leah Remini’s show.

“This was Benjie’s attempt to expose his mother to Black PR,” explained Ken Delusion. “Benjie, you see, is actually a trillion year old evil space alien thetan in a baby body. We know this for a fact because Benjie refuses to pick up the cans of the e-meter for a sec check. Only a criminal with evil purposes would refuse a sec check. This little deadbeat has a lot to hide!”

Angered that this Marcab freeloader constantly demands to be fed and diapered at all hours of the day and night while offering nothing in exchange, Bonnie and her husband Durwood, also an OT III, have decided to sell the impostor. “Childless wogs will pay $50,000 on the black market for a healthy baby body like this one,” said Delusion. “And that $50,000 will pay for Bonnie and Durwood’s next IAS Patron status.”

“This is truly a win-win in which two OT’s get to offload a wholetrack Psych implanter onto some unsuspecting wogs while increasing their IAS Status. Now that’s what you call Scientology in action,” Delusion chuckled.

Mark Zuckerberg Apologizes to Scientology; Promises to Delete all Entheta on Scientology from Facebook

“Following a closed-door Serious Reality Adjustment Session with Scientology Pontiff David Miscavige and his ecclesiastical lawyers, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg publicly apologized to the Church of Scientology,” announced Ted Torquemada, the Chief Inquisitor of the Scientology religion.

“Mr. Zuckerberg’s change of heart, his repentance, and his promise to purge all entheta and Black PR about Scientology on Facebook was helped by the fact that a group of twelve very dedicated Russian Scientologists did some digging and found certain very unsavory information on Mr. Zuckerberg’s private habits and secret associates in what is clearly the Facebook Cartel.”

“For their dedicated work,” said Ted Torquemada, “the following Russian Scientologists in the Main Intelligence Directorate of the General Staff (Unit 74555) are very highly commended and have each received a one million dollar cash bonus from COB:

Mikhail Bystrov
Mikhail Burchik
Aleksandra Krylova
Anna Bogacheva
Sergey Polozov
Maria Bovda
Robert Bovda
Dzheykhun Ogly
Vadim Podkopaev
Gleb Vasilchenko
Irina Kaverzina
Vladimir Venkov

“Twitter be handled next by Unit 74555,” Ted Torquemada darkly intoned. “Jack Dorsey has certain… predilections… that would harm Twitter’s stock if this information came to light.”

Global Fair Game Emergency Declared by Captain Miscavige!

TSAR.DAVE“Due to extreme suppression of unprecedented magnitudes, Captain David Miscavige has declared a Global Fair Game Emergency,” exclaimed Church spokesman Ken Delusion.

“What this means,” Delusion emphasized, “is that ‘top-of-the-bridge make-it-go-right kamikaze‘ OT’s and OSA are to dramatically expand Fair Game attacks upon all SP’s, Psychs, Marcabian agents, Anons, Indies, haters, and the New World Order that wants to take guns away from we Scientologists!”

“Because Scientology is winning,” Delusion explained, “the Psychs are in their death throes and savagely fighting back like the wounded, dying, and cornered animals they are! They all need to be disposed of quietly and without sorrow!”

“As described by the Founder in our scriptures, Fair Game is defined as follows:

SP Order. Fair game. May be deprived of property 
or injured by any means by any Scientologist 
without any discipline of the Scientologist. 
May be tricked, sued or lied to or destroyed.

LRH:jp                         L. RON HUBBARD
Copyright (c) 1967             Founder

TOP SECRET OSA Network Order 15 is also in effect: