“Tens of millions of now older Scientologists who did not go Clear this lifetime responded enthusiastically to our recent campaign to donate to go Clear in their next lifetime!” declared Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion.

“This, in turn, caused millions of older Clears who did not go OT this lifetime to demand the chance to donate now and join the “I’m Going OT in my next Lifetime” Club!

“There were many barriers to going OT this lifetime,” Delusion noted. “Suppression, money, entheta, Black PR, implants, or just succumbing to the traps of the R6 Reactive Mind are the most commonly cited reasons.”

“Paying now to go OT in your next lifetime locks in the price at $750,000. This is a guarantee against the certain ravages of inflation!”

“All Scientologists need to do right now is merely donate the money. When they pick up a new body and start their next lifetime, they simply report to their nearest Ideal Org, give us their past lifetime name and address, and we will immediately route them onto their Bridge to OT!”

“How can you possibly lose on an offer this good?” Delusion asked.