“Tens of millions of now older Scientologists never attained the State of Clear in this lifetime,” declared Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion.
“There were many barriers to attaining Clear,” Delusion noted. “Suppression, money, entheta, Black PR, implants, or just succumbing to the traps of the R6 Reactive Mind are the most commonly cited reasons.”
“There is hope however,” Delusion announced. “Older Scientologists can now donate to the “I’m Going Clear in My Next Lifetime!” Club.
“Paying now to go Clear in your next lifetime locks in the price at $150,000. This is a guarantee against the certain ravages of inflation!”
“All Scientologists need to do right now is merely donate the money. When they pick up a new body and start their next lifetime, they simply report to their nearest Ideal Org, give us their past lifetime name and address, and we will immediately route them onto their Bridge to Clear!”
“How can you possibly lose on an offer this good?” Delusion asked.
I have a question for you in RTC. If I pay for my ‘”I’m going Clear in My Next Lifetime” package (a great deal by the way) do I get the same rate for auditing if I need more Intensives for Repairs because my auditor fucked up the 100% Standard Tech GAT III processes? I certainly don’t want to experience the ravages of inflation. Also, do my Ethics Folders get unearthed once I give my previous lifetime name and address to claim my “Clear Package”? I’d just as soon have a fresh start and not have to begin in my next meat sack with a grueling, ball busting, gut punching, sphincter clenching, life sucking, bowel liquifying, my turn in the barrel, gang bang Sec Check.
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Ms. B. Haven:
Next lifetime, GAT VIII New Era Quantum Hermeneutical Reorientation Tech will be in effect.
Your donation of $150,000.00 THIS lifetime will purchase, in the referenced future lifetime, an IAS pin fashioned from RTC-certified, 100% petrified Hubbard Feces and the free introductory course, ” Gagless COB Cock Sucking Techniques, Phase 1 “.
Pure theta, to fuel your unrelenting quest for Spiritual Freedom!