“The news of the lawsuit against David Miscavige and now HowdyCon has caused the ambient entheta levels to skyrocket in Los Angeles! Peak entheta readings of ten trillion kiloton light year farsecs per second are concentrated in East Hollywood,” declared Scientology Disaster Czar Ken Delusion. “Civil Engineer Dr. Hubbard, our Founder, thankfully left behind Tech on how to handle this.”
“Pac Base is particularly at risk for the contagion of aberration. Fleet Admiral Miscavige has ordered all local Scientologists to evacuate Los Angeles and flee to the Scientology Base in Trementina, New Mexico.
“Please stay tuned to your secret OT radios for the latest news. The current danger is expected to pass in four or five years.”
“On another note, the pig is still missing. The $500 reward is still being offered.”