Harvey Weinstein Turns to the Scientology Celebrity Centre for Help


“Disgraced Hollywood honcho Harvey Weinstein has turned to the Church of Scientology’s Celebrity Centre for help,” reported Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion.

“Mr. Weinstein is currently staying in the penthouse at the Celebrity Centre and is receiving intensive Scientology auditing to help him handle his sexual harassment engrams,” Delusion noted. “Mr. Weinstein is confessing all of his crimes in a Scientology procedure known as a ‘sec check.'”

“Mr. Weinstein can rest assured that his confessional information is safe with Scientology and will never be used against him. Tom Cruise and John Travolta can attest to the fact that they have never once been blackmailed by Scientology over the filthy and lurid secrets they have given up in auditing,” Delusion assured reporters.

“In gratitude for Scientology taking him in and helping him when no one else would, Harvey Weinstein has already donated $2.5 million to the IAS.”

“In happier news,” Delusion remarked, “Harvey Weinstein will be dining with Scientologist Danny Masterson this evening to discuss Scientology techniques for handling scurrilous attacks upon one’s character known as ‘Black PR.’ At present, Danny Masterson is handling Black PR with the help of his criminal defense attorney and Scientology’s Office of Special Affairs.”

7 responses to “Harvey Weinstein Turns to the Scientology Celebrity Centre for Help

  1. Who has the best “donkey punch”?? Harvey Weinstein or Danny Masterson?

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  2. “What the hell is all this entheta about over Harvey Weinstein flirting with the ladies?” asked Scientology OT Richard “Big Dick” Bongo. “Goddammit but I miss the 70’s when a man could paw the broads after a three martini lunch. I used to chain smoke Kool’s while drinking a pitcher of highballs and fall asleep watching reruns of Mannix and it wasn’t a federal crime. When I meet Harvey Weinstein tomorrow for lunch at the CC, I’ll tell him all about how the wog world has gone overboard with this political correctness bullshit and how we Scientologists should own a lot of assault rifles and get America back into the 1950’s where it belongs. MAGA!”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. That is awesome. Now, who get’s it?

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  4. TMZ is reporting that Harvey’s contract with his company allowed fro sexual harassment, so long as Harvey paid the settlements. Obviously, Harvey’s lawyers are scientologists!

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  5. Why is a 5 ft fagot named cabbage. Tryin to run thing. Heb should be the poster boy for the need of psychiatry n

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  6. What a fuckin bunch of bull shit Weinstein wants to fuck micavage up the ass. That’s why he might be there

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