“The global demand for Scientology is huge, just incredibly huge,” exclaimed Scientology Media Czar Ken Delusion. “Folks, Scientology is fabulous, just fabulous. We are a winning Church with beautiful people.”
“Let me be clear on Scientology’s huge results: COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige continues to open Ideal Orgs at a blistering pace of 33 per day. That is amazing. We now have 217,918 Ideal Orgs scattered across the fifteen continents and 3208 countries of the world. Even in Tanzania folks. Scientology is everywhere. We are even under your bed at night when you sleep.”
“Literally we are under your bed beaming waves into your mind at night while you sleep. And that is why Scientology doesn’t want you to take Psych drugs or NyQuil or drink alcohol before you go to bed at night as these drugs block our waves from reaching deeply into your mind.”
“We want you to be fabulous and huge just like the rest of us in Scientology. That can only happen if you cooperate and let Scientology into your mind. Once we are in your mind then *POW!* the magic happens! You become one of us!”
“And now a public service message:
Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
Full Disclosure:
Years of clinical observation have resulted in the exposure potential malicious side effects from large scale exposure to Scientology wave beams. We have collected video evidence pointing to the undeniable fact these beams tend to soften bone, resulting in (as can be seen above) the complete rotting of one’s teeth.
Although fluoride treatments may overcome tooth decay, prolonged exposure continues to result in the clinical condition known as “OT”, but more commonly known as “Soft in the head”.
Protect yourself or this could be you:
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Just as Mr. Delusion sez:
“Folks, Scientology is fabulous, just fabulous. We are a winning Church with beautiful people.”
This is quite obviously true but I think it must also be emphasized, really emphasized that Scientology is also the coolest religion ever. I’m talking whole track here people. I’m not afraid to go out R here just to avoid offending some of the few ignorant wogs left on this planet. They just need to increase their havingness level and realize that not only the scientifically verifiable existence of the whole track but the coolness of the Scientology religion on said whole track. We are just beautiful, winning and COOL people.
You don’t have to believe me on this, just step into ANY Ideal Org and you will see masses of beautiful, ideal, winning and cool Scientologists clawing their way up the Bridge to Total Freedom and into the basement of bankruptcy. And bankruptcy is just a consideration people, spiritual gain is real.
I just hope that one day I will be accepted into the elite ranks of the Valley OT Commitee. They have limited space because of the unceasing demand but one day I hope to join the ranks of 37 and achieve even more expansion than can be dreamed of by mere mortals. I’m just swooning with that postulate…
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Scientology wants to be in your wallet, not your mind.
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