Tag Archives: Cult

David Miscavige Disappears Into Marcabian Space Portal

As COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige mounted the podium today to give the keynote address at the 1st annual Conference of Cult Leaders in Crisis, he sensed something was not right.

And indeed it was a trap for the stage set behind was actually a Marcabian Portal. Just as COB launched into his speech a high-pitched sound was heard. Whereupon COB was sucked into the Marcabian portal.

COB’s whereabouts remain unknown. A $500 reward is offered for information.

Confidential: David Miscavige Popularity Plunge! Crisis in Scientology!

WTF! According to Psych-infested Facebook, the COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige news page only has 190 followers! How can this be given the fact that the Church of Scientology has 12,000,000 members and is the fastest growing religion in the world?

Worse, the internet is now joking & degrading about this! This bigotry is an outrage! We in Scientology are the most ethical group on the planet and shouldn’t have to put up with such blatant japery as this on Twitter:

DM.FB.News.Page

Dead Cult leader David Koresh has 5x more likes than COB!

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We in RTC hereby decree that all 12,000,000 Scientologists are to give COB likes on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Encyclopedia Britannica, the

Church of Scientology Leader David Miscavige Made the Butt of Jokes!

COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige was called the “big cheese” by the unfunny joker & degrader Conan O’Brien. Scientologists — both real and Stock Photo Scientologists — have protested to Conan O’Brien:

The Conan O’Brien Show
Burbank, CA 90068

Dear Mr. O’Brien,

I read the press today about your recent show with Leah Remini…Having watched the segment, I was especially disappointed by some of the gratuitous comments you made in interviewing Ms. Remini, notably a snarky reference to the Church’s leader as “the big cheese,” and questioning Ms. Remini on why the Church “is not suing” her… I found it personally offensive and I was embarrassed for you.

Thank you.

Catriona McKenzie
Ontario, Calif.

First, COB is neither big nor is he a cheese. COB is 5’1″(129.5 cm) and is made of substance that, while having the consistency of a warm and lumpy melted cheese on a hot summer day, smells far worse and is often found on the bottom of shoes.

Second, Catriona McKenzie is a stock photo Scientologist, i.e. she is not real and is rather a completely fake Scientologist used by STAND. But that’s not the point. The point is this: If Catriona McKenzie were a real Scientologist she would be outraged!

Third, we in the Church of Scientology have not sued Leah Remini because that would risk Mr. Miscavige being deposed in what would surely become a fishing trip into what critics have unfairly characterized as his “criminality, lies, perjury, and violence.” Simply put, Mr. Miscavige could never get a fair hearing in a wog court where savagely beating one’s acussers is not allowed as we understand the matter.

COB has been lampooned and parodied by many suppressive persons. Unfortunately, even in this age of cheap and unlimited bandwidth, bandwidth limitations prevent us from naming and shaming these millions of people who have chortled at COB and alleged that he is both a clownish incompetent buffoon and a violent self-aggrandizing narcissist.

We in Scientology are not a Cult!

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We in Scientology are not a Cult! Plenty of religions have paramilitaries, prisons, beat their clergy & conduct interrogations on members.

Church of Scientology to Become Speedo Cult

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After watching Holy Hell, the new documentary about the Buddha Field cult, COB RTC David Miscavige had a epiphany: The Church of Scientology needed to be reinvented as a Speedo Cult.  Accordingly, the Church of Speedology was born.

“While we in Speedology will still offer COB’s unusual solution called GAT II,” said Church spokesman Ken “Shakti” Delusion, “our new emphasis will be on the men wearing iridescent day-glo Speedos and the women wearing bikinis while we all hold hands and dance in fields and have love-fests in rivers and streams.”

“Fundraising will not change however,” added Shakti Delusion, “for truly while Heaven and Earth shall pass away, Thursday at 2:00 PM remains immutable and fixed in eternity.”

The Jehovah’s Witnesses are a Dangerous Cult!

We in the Church of Scientology are not a cult. We are a religion as proven by the highest authority: The IRS. Conversely, the Jehovah’s Witnesses are a cult as proven by the horrible things they do:

Additionally, the Jehovah’s Witnesses engage in an obscene practice called disfellowshipping:

These Jehovah’s Witnesses also threaten people who want to leave the organization: