The Rev. Dr. David Miscavige: Off Source is the new On Source!

COB.NOISE

Speaking today from the set of Nation of Islam Scientology Education (NOISE), at the SMP studios the Reverend Doctor David Miscavige declared, “Off Source is the new On Source!”

Explained the Rev. Dr. Miscavige, “The Tech moves in great arcs and circles across quadrillions of years of time and this is why yesterday’s Off Source inevitably becomes today’s On Source, ergo IAS statuses are the New OTX. Which is to say, positive case gain is possible for the first time in millennia by donating to the IAS.”

“And by way of new Scientology Policy which I myself have just created based upon the Founder’s lost tech, the EP of ecclesiastical embezzling — or otherwise taking money from others to fund your IAS donations — is this: “I promise not to return to crime if I am set free by the police. It was the work of the devil!”

5 responses to “The Rev. Dr. David Miscavige: Off Source is the new On Source!

  1. Sea org Captain David Miscavige IS the devil !!

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  2. Well finally! Now David is starting to get with the program. This is exactly what Ron would have done in his place, when he realized that his followers were willing to pour huge amounts of cash into the IAS in place of going up the bridge. You don’t have to be On Source when you ARE source, so just talk a bunch of bullshit about quadrillions of years and let your marks … Er, members fill in the blanks while they fill up your bank account! You can’t get more On Source than that!

    Well done, COB!

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    • CV, COB realized that just taking cash from Scientologists in exchange for giving them glorified bowling trophies is the world’s greatest scam idea. No need to do all of that bothersome auditing when you can have ’em eat niacin in the sauna, run around a pole, read books, do TR’s & Objectives for a few hundred hours, and then hand out some trophies.

      What was the Founder thinking with this auditing business and all those lists, red and green vols, and pc’s droning on endlessly for thousands of hours about wholetrack nosebleeds, kinky sex, major and minor crimes, and whatever else is bothering them? Who cares? COB certainly doesn’t nor do we in RTC. We just want all their money. COB is just, “pat ’em on the head, give ’em a trophy, slap ’em around, keep ’em off the internet, put ’em into lower conditions to make them think they’re significant, and then send ’em back home to make more money.” Now that is the Tech!

      Thank God for the IRS and its incredibly stupid “intangible spiritual benefits” definition. All that took was some IAS envelopes filled with cash to certain officials ;-).

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Whats the going wage for your stock standard “Reverand Captain Doctor” these days?

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  4. “Off Source is the new On Source!” That sounds Orwellian. Eastasia is now Eurasia. War is now peace.

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