“If you’re stuck on the toilet, then surely you’ll be stuck on your Bridge as well,” declared Dr. Juan Diego San Kool de Menthol, New OTVIII, three L’s completions, OEC/FEBC with gold star, and Clearwater’s leading colon cleaning expert.
“Itsa technical fact that constipation will leave the Scientologist unsessionable. The only answer is my patented and RTC-approved Scientology Super Purification Colon Cleanser! This product is guaranteed to instantly blow all stops and withholds in the colon.
“Moreover, this product is so good that it actually handles constipation on the wholetrack! All past life constipation engrams are *POW!* gone! At only $1,259.95 for a tw0-week supply, this miraculous all natural herbal treatment will bring about relief from even the most obdurate constipation.
“As can be seen in the before and after photos below, this global ecclesiastical leader was severely constipated, bloated, flatulent and was always stuck in a suppressive valence as a result. Although his staff would not tell him for fear of being beaten or struck about their heads, the leader’s chronic flatulence was far worse than the stench of the portable toilets at a NASCAR race on a hot summer day.
“Whereupon, after one treatment of Scientology Super Purification Colon Cleanser, this global ecclesiastical leader became uptone and happy. His pants fit better and gone are the embarrassing skid-marks in his pantaloons that had so bedeviled him. You too can have these same miracle results. Order today and receive a free copy of my booklet Super Power Colon Clearing for Clears!”