Church of Scientology to Purchase ISIS Oil


In order to ensure a supply of cheap gasoline to Scientology’s Ideal Org gas stations and mini-marts, Imam David Miscavige recently traveled to Syria and negotiated an oil deal with ISIS for $20 per barrel gasoline.

“The MV Freewinds is being converted into a gasoline tanker as we speak,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Moreover, COB has purchased a fleet of Panamanian-flagged tankers from ship-breaking yards in Alang, India.”

“Because these ships were destined to be broken up and scrapped, COB was able to purchase them for a bargain. With a few million man-hours of Sea Org labor, these ships will be ferrying ISIS gasoline to Scientology service stations in a matter of months.”

Religious scholar Reza Aslan has applauded the Scientology-ISIS cooperation as, “a milestone in modern ecumenical relations.”

4 responses to “Church of Scientology to Purchase ISIS Oil

  1. Lmao. So outrageous and not.


  2. David Miscavige is jealous: ISIS is the only organization on earth with worse PR than Scientology.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. If this means fresh oil for the oiliness tables, I say job well done. The current use of waste oil from Jiffy Lube is causing way too many false reads at Super Powers. Heavy on the 40 weight.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is great news! Here is what LRH would like
    you to do with all of this energy:


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